If you think my life is easy think again, if you think its fair think again, if you think the people around me are understanding think again. Today and two days ago I was having an off day. why? Because I didn’t drink my pills and if I don’t then the damn doctor is going to raise it so high that I’m going to be pale as a damn rock. I was mad because my mind made me that way when I was bothered for every little thing. I started to calm down and I did. But my so call X-BF made me mad again. Why? Well it all started at Gaia. I send him a message he reply’s saying blah and with a damn stare smiley which looks like a damn glare smiley!!!! I told him everything I could in a calm/ mad way. But then…….my mind’s anger started to rise and rise until I feel like crushing everything in sight….. EVERYTHING!!!!!! That’s how I feel now!!!! I never bother anyone ((except for my parents. I do bother them)) why should I be treated sometimes at my home or at the net like mother ******** stunt dummy!! No one knows what I have to do to be steady and calmed and no one knows the trouble I go through. No one may not care but I really want someone to talk to about this…. But I can’t talk with my parents because they don’t want me to have a bf until I’m 14 or 15. Life is too hard for my standards and I really wish right now that my friends were online…. Maybe they can cheer me up…..but they’re probably out at the mall without me and I’m here stuck in whirl pool of sinful anger. I thought me and my bf were friends but I guess we were wrong…… you know I never did cry when I broke up with him. Actually I was happy to break up with him. I mean he’s too busy plus he told me he had a girlfriend in real life. Like if internet love was hard enough. I was stressing extreme for a guy who was too busy with another gril. What a waste of brain cells……. I was happy because I don’t want to stress anymore!!! At first he was nice, my type and dream guy….but then school started and things were not the same. I’m not blaming school I’m blaming my self, how can I be a fool and worry for him. I mean I couldn’t sleep at night when he was never online for like 2 weeks. You know people are so inconsiderate……they make me want to hit them are shout at them…..I doubt that he’s not going to reply, he’s going to pay attention to another girl. Like hmmm, someone at wolf’n fox!!!! And I know who……. I know I shouldn’t talk like this but I CAN’T TAKE IT ANYMORE! The pressure is extreme enough for me as it is. I don’t know why I wrote this….people aren’t going to care any way…..they just ignore….that’s the only thing they do best . The only thing and when they do they get in serious trouble. Its so hard being excepted by people….. I wish I was locked up in a box and live there for the rest of my life…. I don’t need friends, I don’t need my family…..I don’t need love neither….I can live by my self and no one will ever remark me!!! No one will ever bother me, I’ll be happy in imagination and no in it I will never have to deal with ignorant idiots that me our world go round, NOT!!!
 Creamery · Sun Oct 17, 2004 @ 02:57am · 0 Comments |
