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Angstity angst my parents dint lurv me enuff o no! |
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When I was a growing kid, I got an electronics kit and my siblings and I got FF7 to share the same year, I think. I loved the electronics kit, but eventually it ended up being a point my mom got angry over when we moved and it had never been opened. This will take some explaining.
A time before that I'd gotten a geology kit, with lots of different minerals of different hardness, and some experiments to go through with them. My dad guided me through it, setting up and helping me through the instructions. It was fun. I still like crystals, be they huge shiny geometric shapes, or grains smaller than the eye can see that give color and interesting UV properties in common looking rock. I even recently showed myself smarter in the subject when one of my super intelligent friends talked about the chemical bonds in salt.* He said his chemistry teacher brushed over the subject. I didn't feel like mentioning mine did too.
My dad worked in electronics, fixing microchips for ITT. I never got any help with the electronics kit. He didn't have alot of free time for us, except on the weekends. My interactions with him seemed to be limited to Saturday morning cartoons and church... and then just church when he had to choose between Fri-Sat or Sun-Mon weekends. My mom thought she was always right and she was always angry about something. I never knew how to stand up to someone I cared about and make demands of them until after being a grown-up myself for awhile**, so I didn't know what to do, but read and play legos. But I know they loved me. See...
That super intelligent friend? He was picked to go to state run classes for special gifted kids. My parents gave it to me without needing outside help. The kits aren't all, I got books on math. Can't imagine that being interesting? The point of the books is context for math, how with the whole story math isn't just memorizing equations and tables. With that context I absorbed more from the 'real' (aka boring) math classes, and could calculate in my head what some needed to memorize tables for. He thinks he's smart because he's special and was picked to have that nurtured. I know that anyone can be nurtured to surpass the pathetic goals our pathetic society gives out, at best he is slightly more receptive to it. Be it someone with cerebral palsy becoming a competent geography teacher, or a nearly mute kid who doesn't even know how to, but I want to contribute to society. Maybe medicine from day to day, biology work in the future? DNA's cool.***
Depression still sucks, though. I've gotten off the first continent in Final Fantasy 7 since leaving home. Bought a bunch of other games I didn't manage to play because I thought they would cheer me up. Not even legos cheer me up now. But I've found other things. Gaia, webcomics, the mind**** genre of anime... Oh, by the way, mom, if you ever read this, thanks so much for the JTHM comics.
Being peers with adults, I realize that my parents did alot more for me than alot of parents do. Emotionally, they respected that I felt sad, when I did. Even if it made me feel they were picking favorites and that it was me, making it partly my fault my sister didn't get as much love. But she's growing up too, and isn't a **** up at all, unlike some of my friends.
*Salt is stable sodium+ and chloride- atoms that clump together in cubes because they are attracted to each other electromagnetically, and because they are just the right size. It's cool because it's like legos!
**My problems with my first 2 boyfriends are so related to this. They both seemed to want me more than twice what I had ever wanted someone. I've since learned not to merely to factor my needs into my interpersonal equations, but give them priority. If your the sort to want someone even if you make them miserable, then I don't like you. If you're not then you won't ask about it again. Catch 22 hahaha!
***DNA seems to me to have the potential to make medicine cheap, since it has nature's tendency to be survivable. Cheap medicine could help raise the medicinal care for people who don't live in rich countries, and thus help society as a whole.
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 Spriteless Girl · Sat Jun 30, 2007 @ 03:50am · 0 Comments |
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