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Random. Whenever i have time
My story: part 2
Well, here's another part of my story that I have been writing...next [art won't come for a while. I think the sections are still pretty short but I'm woking on that. Other than that, comments! (please!)

After a short cry she was ready to try the door again. She lifted herself off the floor that she had been crying on and turned to the door. She set her hand on the door and set her hand in a good strong grip and twisted. The door popped open. Once again she cried. This time out of happiness that she opened the door. When had she gotten to the point that opening a door was a monumental moment for her? Then after she regained her composure Kemay walked down the long white hallway to the room all the kids were in. After eight doors she stopped and turned to her left and said three words and the door opened. All the kids that were in there dove for their hiding spots. “It’s alright. You can come out”
“Maymay!!” the kids yelled as they scrambled to her. They all grouped around her hugging her legs and yelling her nickname.
“Maymay we was all scared you wasn’t comin’ back!” yelled Janie, one of the older foster children. “We thought them mean ol’ Enforcers taked you ‘way from us. We was so worried you was hurt an’ cu’n’t come an’ get us an’ give us food. We’s hungry Maymay.”
“Ok, ok. Let’s go to the food room and get you hungry kids something to eat” A chorus of happy yells told her that was the right thing to do. Then Janie walked up to her and started whispering. “Maymay, them Enforcers knocked on the door an’ said ‘We know you’re in there and we’ll come get you later!’ I din’t what to do. Them little kids started their whimperin’ an’ cryin’ an’ I think they heard us.”
“Oh. Well I think we’ll be fine for now but that was very responsible of you to come tell me. Thank you. I will put you in charge more often.” The grin on Janie’s face was wide as her face would let it. When Janie left the room Kemay’s face showed real worry
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Andy coughed and his eyes popped open. He looked around the room “Where am I?” he asked the lady beside him.
“You’re safe and that’s all that matters. Are you ok?”
“Yeah, I guess. My side hurts really bad though.”
“That’s the side the car hit you on,” The lady told him.
“I was hit by a car!?”
“Yes you were,” the other lady said “Now lie down and hold still, I need to look at the rest of your injuries.”
“Who are you?’
“I’m Miss Mayanne Marsh, and you?”
“I’m... Andy. Who’s the other lady”
“I’m Lana”
“Nice to meat you nice ladies but I must go, my… mom will be, um, worried about me.”
“Oh! Who is your mom? Maybe I would know her,” said Miss Marsh enthusiastically.
“No, I don’t think you would.” Andy started to get up and crumpled to the ground in pain.
“Oh!” cried Lana. “Are you alright?” Andy just moaned in reply. “Help me get him back on the bench!” Lana and Miss Marsh lifted him back up on the bench.
“I need to get back home! You’ve got to help me!” Andy started crying.
Lana judged him to be about seven years old, yet had as much bravery and courage as a man in his 20’s. “Please! You’ve got to!” Andy was still sobbing, sobbing so hard he was trembling and hiccupping.
“Why do you need to get home so badly?” Lana asked calmly.
“Because” Andy said hiccupping, “my mom will need me and—” There was a sudden knock on the wooden door and Andy screamed
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Kemay left the room and went to the lunchroom with the kids thinking about Andy, who was going to teach him to use his Power if Kemay couldn’t? Oh Andy, where are you? She thought. Are you ok? Oh Gods, keep him safe, please, keep him safe! He’s our only hope.
“Maymay! There’s no food out!”
“Oh! Sorry dears! I forgot I hadn’t made lunch yet. One minute and I’ll have something ready.” Oh dear, what should I make? Kemay thought as she walked back to the cooking area. They’re probably starving, as we missed breakfast to hide. What to make, what to make. Finally she knew what to make. Cereal! Kemay got out every single bowl and brought them out to the tables that served as there eating place. “Janie! Pass out all the bowls then bring the extras back to me”
“Got it Maymay!” Janie took the bowls away from Kemay and started passing them out. Kemay walked back to the cooking area and walked to the refrigerator. She opened the door and grabbed two bottles of milk. She walked back out once again with a bottle of milk in each hand. “Karl and Mallory, can you hold these until I get back out?”
“O’ course Maymay!” Kemay walked back to the cooking area one last time for the cereal and noticed something odd. The grey and white tile floor was covered in a strange powder that was nearly invisible because of the color. She leaned down and pinched some up and set it in the palm of her other hand. The powder was an off white and finely ground into a soft sand like powder. She pinched up some more and set it in the palm of her hand. The powder was so light her breath kept blowing it off her hand. It was completely odorless but she wasn’t willing to risk a taste. She went to the wooden drawer above her, opened it and pulled out a plastic baggie. She knelt back down to the floor and scooped some up and put it in the bag. Then she stuck the bag in the pocket on the front of her plain white cotton dress.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The knock came again and Andy continued to scream. Lana picked herself off the ground and walked towards the door. Her hands were at the side of her head trying to block out Andy’s high pitch continuous screaming. She cracked open the door and almost screamed herself. The man pushed his way in and Miss Marsh whimpered softly. The Enforcer stood silently then his handsome tanned face lit up with a smile.
“Oh! Da! You can’t do that to me!” cried Lana running into his arms. He caught her up in a big bear hug and spun around.
“Lana Bear! I missed you so much! You have gotten even more beautiful than when I left. You look more and more like your mom every day.”
“Oh Da!” Lana hugged him tighter then released him. She then turned to Miss Marsh and Andy. “Da, this is Miss Marsh and this is Andy. Andy, Miss Marsh, this is my father Enforcer Gregory” Lana said as she pointed to the correct person. Andy whimpered at the mention of Enforcer. “They were in need of my help.”
“Oh really?” he asked as if he expected more to come. When nothing did he added on “With what?”
“Healing.” Miss Marsh provided helpfully.
“Who needed the healing?”
“Little Andy here was hit by a car.” Miss Marsh explained. Gregory nodded his head, he was thinking about what was being said. His beautiful smile had left his face.
“Let us have some food…” he said distractedly. “Is Andy OK now?”
“Oh yes!” Miss Marsh nodded enthusiastically, but Gregory looked over the blonde head to Lana, who also nodded that he was OK. Only then did he smile again. Lana brought a fresh loaf of bred and a bit of butter to the counter where they had come together. Andy’s head barely cleared the top. Gregory carefully cut the bread and handed a piece to Andy.
“Would you like butter child?” Miss Marsh asked. Andy shook his head no; his eyes still wide and fixed on the Enforcer standing with them. Then he tugged on Miss Marsh’s long dress. “Yes?” she asked as she looked down.
“I need to get to my mom.” he whispered.
“Speak up dear. I can’t hear you.”
“I need to find my mom!” He said slightly louder.
“You never told me who she was did you?”
“No.”
“Tell me. I will go talk to her.”
“No.” he said again.
“Why not?”
“I cannot lead people back to the others.” he said simply.
“Andy, no one is going to hurt them, if that is what you are afraid of.” Lana told him.
“No. I can’t.” He was not going to be persuaded.
“Then how are we going to find her?”
“I need a phone.” All of the adults faces showed pure shock.
“Are you sure she’ll have a phone, son?” asked Gregory. “Not many people do anymore.”
“I know that!” He cried. “I know! I know! But I need to call her!” His voice was starting to escalated enough to cause odd glances into the store. Lana ran over to him. She knelt down and wrapped her arms around him in a warm embrace. “I have to…” he sobbed. His face was red and puffy. He pressed his face into Lana’s shoulder.
“Here, here child.” Miss Marsh turned his head and gave him a tissue. “Everything will be OK.” Andy took a deep breath and pushed away from Lana.
“No it will not be OK. I have to call. Everything will be ruined if I don’t call.”
Miss Marsh looked to Lana. “Do you have a phone?”
“Not a public one…But I suppose I could let him use it.” she sighed. “Andy,” she gently pulled his face away from her shoulder to make him look at her, “I have a phone you can use if you promise to never tell anyone.” The young boy nodded solemnly. Lana pushed herself to her feet and grabbed Andy’s hand. “Come here.” She brought him the oven room and to one of the shadowed corners. “Do you know how to use it?” she asked. Once again he nodded. Andy took the phone in his small hand and dialed.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Your Majesty, we must have that boy.” a deep voice said. “What a tool he would be.”
“Come into the light, James.” replied His Majesty, Ivan Rigshue. The light revealed a man nearing his thirties. His age showed everywhere. His icy blue eyes were young and determined. His body was fit and strong, yet nimble. As James was His Majesties advisor, his brain was also nimble. Coming up with new plans and solutions to everyday problems. The Pit had been his idea. Although cruel, the crime rate in Kyprith had diminished greatly after the invention of The Pit. He was young, but genius; and His Majesty knew it.
They had had this argument countless times. James felt Andy was a necessity to the kingdom, but His Majesty felt this too. Andy would help immensely. The Kingdom of Kyprith was slowly falling apart at the hands of their nemesis: Zuhara. Everyday more and more soldiers were pouring in and the only defense Kyprith had left were the Enforcers. Their army was on the border struggling to fight off the opposition; but Zuhara seemed to have an endless amount of willing soldiers and endurance. Not to mention fire power. With Andy they could see Zuhara’s next move and counter it before anymore destruction was done. The problem was getting the evasive child. Every time he was in their grasp he slipped away.
“We almost had him, James.” Ivan sighed. “We almost had him.”
“If we had used force, like I suggested, we would have had him.” James insisted. “There would not have been this almost. Or anymore ‘almost’ for that matter!” James set his face in an angry look. His eyes were narrowed and his mouth was firm. They would have had him if His Majesty had listened to him, but no. Andy was but a child. No need to use violence. How hard could it be? “We are embarrassing ourselves with this!” he cried. “The kingdom can’t even catch a small child. How are we to protect our citizens from an army?”
“No.” was all Ivan said. There was no need to bring hurt the child. His spies would bring Andy to him in no time. They would not fail. Bringing Enforcers into the mess would only make things worse. They were needed to protect the people, not hunt them. “We will have him eventually. You are dismissed.” Ivan waved his hand and James turned, his black cape billowing behind him as he strode irritably from His Majesties room. The heavy door swung shut behind him.
As soon as the door was shut and James was down the hall, out of hearing range, he grinned to himself. He had already sent Enforcers down to get the boy. They had to have him by now. “He will see. That snooty, stuck up, rich man will realize he should listen to me more often.” he muttered to himself. “I will marke him see. I will make him open his eyes. I should not be just an advisor. I could be so much more.” It had always been James’ dream to be a prince, or a duke at the least, but no. He had been the advisor of His Majesty for 6 years now. James had graduated ahead of all of his class. His mind understanding and everything he heard and read, he soon was able to teach the class better than the teachers. That was what had attracted the castle to him at first.
His long armor clad legs took him to the front door quickly. The buttlers at the door opened it as fast as it would and let him out. It was best not to mess with him when he was in this type of mood. He was known to hurt people for not obeying. As soon as he was outside he called for a hose and waited impatiently for it to come. He needed to get to the Enforcer base before darkness came. Soon there was a horse before him. James jumped up and rode off. The sun was slowly setting in the west making a bueatiful blood red sky, but it would make it hard for him to travel at night. James gave the horse another sharp kick in the sides to make it go faster thought it was already galloping. He would get a little more speed out of the last horse. He had to get there soon.

frdee
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  • User Comments: [3]
    shadowwjlh
    Community Member





    Thu Jun 21, 2007 @ 11:06pm


    Quote:
    She set her hand on the door and set her hand in a good strong grip and twisted.
    Instead you should probably say something like, she put her hand on the door and grabbed the knob in a good strong grip.

    I'll have to read it again later to find other things, but that was the only thing that jumped out to me. It's pretty good, but I think you need to try to help us get to know Andy a little more, maybe describe some of the things he does when he talks, do his eyes dart around, is he trusting of these people, or wary? Just a little more should help. It's good and there are only a few spelling mistakes that I saw. Keep writing!


    frdee
    Community Member





    Thu Jun 21, 2007 @ 11:28pm


    Yeah. I think you are right Andy needs to be described more....thanks! Yeah...I'll go fix that too. Awkward sentence.


    BladeEdge01
    Community Member





    Sun Jul 01, 2007 @ 12:19am


    once more,a great story


    User Comments: [3]
     
     
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