I think it's the one thing I've never been good at, no matter what age I've been. Sure I’m able to express myself in my art and some in writing, but I have the hardest time expressing myself when it comes to the people that I care for or are a constant in my life. And I don’t mean… I tend to over think what bothering me if there is something wrong going on in my interpersonal relationships. Making sure in my mind its not other things going on around me getting in the way.
I constantly fight with my parents and normally its over some stupid s**t like running down the stairs which a I still do to the damn computer which my mother swear that I hardly ever get off.
I know I harbor a lot of things inside me that sometimes I later release in a negative fashion, be it biting my nail (which I recently stoped late last year) to grinding my teeth at night in my sleep. I don't think I have random fits of anger, but I know I come damn close. Other times heated arguments with people often end with me either throwing whatever is in my hand be it my cell phone, which has taken a quite a bit of damage this year alone, to crying hard enough that I’m physically tired.
And now as of late my body is finally reacting to the stuff I’m holding in from stress to sadness. So now it is physically taking a toll on my body. The physical areas that are being targeted is my lower back, knees, and my upper right arm.
-Laughs- After being in psychology this last year in high school would have taught me something about holding s**t in, don't ya think? But hear I am still harboring some but becoming better at talking about what going on in my book. But its no where near enough for me to keep a relationship together if I’m still unable to talk about it at the time of the event, no? I’m seriously making another effort in telling people around what is wrong with me but its hard.
Years of holding it because I didn’t want to brother people with what was called stupid childish s**t when I was growing up has finally taken it toll on me by making into a damn near brick wall that my dad is now. So maybe this stupid web journal will help me out with this emotional expression even though this one is me expressing that emotionally. I don’t feel like what is wrong with me is really that important to talk to other’s about.
Therefore, I will be keeping up some more art supplies in the near future and more pens and notepads to write the s**t out and paint unto the world of uncaring and unjudgmental canvas and lines.
Akio Shiloh Community Member 
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