• I keep going back



    LUST!
    RAGE!
    DISAPPOINTMENT!
    CRAVING!
    LONELINESS!
    BOREDOM!
    EXCITEMENT!

    It's 3 in the morning, I'm still up in my bed,
    Had 3 or 4 shots of Disaronno,
    Gone straight to my head.
    Then I look at my phone, and see it vibrate.
    I know it's you, and only you can expel this state.
    "What's up" you say, and I laugh to myself.
    I know where this is going,
    put the shot glass on shelf.
    Then I remember what happened, just 'bout a week ago,
    The strength of your presence - my body like snow.

    You're smug, you're annoying, I ******** hate you sometimes.
    But I just can't help it. You've got me gagged and bound.
    And no matter how much I tell myself "This is the last time I'm sure".
    I glance at your text, I'm weakened and sprung by your lure.
    "It's a bit of fun" you say, we're great as friends.
    I wish I could feel the same, but my love or my lust never ends.
    Didn't want you to catch me like this... YOU MERELY CAUGHT ME OFF TRACK.
    I've said this a billion times, but I keep going back.

    I reply to your text, the same, prosaic thing.
    "Hey how're you doing? How is everything?"
    Then you ask if I'm home, and if I'm free to have you come round?
    You know the answer. The hold you have on me is profound.
    Next thing I know, we're under my sheets.
    I wish I was happy, your hands have their way around me.
    We become so intimate, I feel myself in you.
    Within a couple of hours, you're gone, it's through.

    I can still hear your voice, I can still see your face.
    I can still smell your scent, still feel your embrace.
    Now that it's all over, I wish it could never end.
    I remember what it was to you, and how I'm "Just a friend".
    I look to my left, Disaronno near gone.
    I down the whole bottle, though I still don't feel strong.
    And once again, I'm all by myself.
    This falsification of companionship, was merely a lie to myself.

    The next day is even worse! I remember what's done!
    With some Amy Winehouse, I embrace these thoughts a tonne.
    If somebody catches me, this lowly mood and offtrack,
    It'll just be a reminder of you and how I JUST KEEP GOING BACK.