River of Dread/ Dread to Dead

• Artist: SpicedCustardTart
• Description: This is what happens when I listen to Justin Bieber *shivers* (and I'm sorry of you take offence from that statement)
• Date: 08/15/2012
• Tags: river dread dread dead

This is a two-part poem- River of Dread and Dread to Dead
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The wind blowing the leaves
Moving one with the trees
The first drop of dew
Shining in the evenings moon
Glemming of the waters edge
The rising sun bringing dread
Soon the river runs red
Filling up with the dead
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Blood red
Nothing but the dead
Filling up the river
Full of dread
As the sun leaves
The moon rises up high
As the river fills with dread
Even though the river is already dead

Comments

[Warkai]

First poem, not so much, too much of the same isn't good, second part is full of repetition(dead, and dread) repeating the same word once more ruins the poem, and it losing the fact that it is a poem. This betweener person knows not what he says, but he does have one point, the rhyming is bad. so two problems with this poem, repetition, and bad rhymes, that's all.

[nbetweener]

Ugh. So you write poetry as bad as his music? Why do that to us? The meter is horribly erratic, primarily in the last one, and the word choice and rhyme scheme is ...ugh.