My Lie

• Artist: 3 IVI 0
• Description: I wrote this a while ago, and it is hosted on my dA page. I'm not exactly sure what inspired it. I just sat down and let this out. My friends have gotten used to the way I write, and they've stopped giving feedback because all the feedback is the same, compliments and "wish I could write like that"...
  
  I just want some feedback, so rate as you will. Winning an arena might be a nice touch, though.
• Date: 06/15/2009
• Tags:

Why can't I go
Where I want to be
What I want to see
What's in front of me?

Why can't I say
What I want to hear
What I need to know
What's affecting me?

Just give me a chance to tell you the truth
Before you turn away just show a little ruth
You think you know me, but do you know my lie
I wish I could tell you but you're choking my mind

Why won't I leave
When I want to grieve
While I want to seize
The day, 'cause I believe

I believe a day will come
When we'll walk under the sun
Holding hands and having fun
Such a day must surely come

Just give me a chance to tell you the truth
Before you turn away just show a little ruth
You think you know me, but do you know my lie
I wish I could tell you but you're choking my mind

But Why won't I know
What the world will show
And Why won't I see
The way you feel for me?

Just give me a chance to lie
Before you turn a blind eye
You think you know me. Why?
I wish I could tell you I...

Just want a chance to tell you the truth
Before you turn away just show a little ruth
You think you know me, but do you know my lie
I wish I could tell you but you're choking my mind

Comments

[Kechero-TheForsakenRose]

I definitely liked it. It's a little .. subliminally repetitive, in some parts. But overall it's truly a nice piece of work. It sort of reminded me of a song, the way it was set up. A rough-draft for a modern sonnet, perhaps? I also liked it a lot more before reading the second-to-last paragraph, than after. It sort of set it off for me.. the emotional complexity was made too blunt, and simple for my tastes. 4/5