Requiem for the Fallen

• Artist: Xx_Vor_xX
• Description: A requiem for fallen ones
• Date: 12/30/2008
• Tags: requiem fallen

How sad it is to this day,
They are frozen locked away
God above with the key
only one to set them free

Is it right for them bound
locked away like a killing hound
Bound together in the ground so deep
feeling naught even natures creep

a pitt of fire they must burn
till seven sevens reach their turn
Even now they sleep and slumber
all for one's decisive blunder

Even now there hearts turn stone
flesh rotting to the bone
inside they fester in there souls
solitude burning holes

is it true what is said
Must they truly be so bleed
emotionless dreams in their mind
bound together for all time

do they truly need such dread
Fallen down for all they said
why are they, the holy, bound
When seven sevens come around

Comments

[Atheshya]

The rhyming is a little forced, especially 'Is it right for them bound/locked away like a killing hound', because it's clear that the only reason you wrote 'like a killing hound' was to get a rhyme. It is really hard to make rhyming less forced, though, and the last stanza in particular has much better-looking rhyming. Also, 'bleed' should be 'bled'. But altogether, I like it. Keep up the good work and, for the trouble spots, you'll get better with practice.

[Xx_Vor_xX]

i write them all by myself ^^
i have several others just search my name

[edie95]

that is an awesome poem did you create that with no help?