My Thorn

• Artist: Cottoncandyocbra3
• Description: I god damn hate this poem! BAH!
• Date: 12/28/2008
• Tags: thorn

My Thorn

An immaculate thorn in the side of my mind,
sticks out among the tumbling tide,
Of Watered down hopes and dreams,
Bursting out of it's elegant seams,

It gives a smile and kisses my soul,
My being a crafted, quivering whole,
blessed by the flower of a warm touch,
This thorn to me, it means so much,

I long to care for it and tend to it's way,
As it strikes my fancy each passing day,
It breathes fresh air into my life,
To whisk away an evening's strife,

I hold this thorn so close, so dear,
To lose it is a primal fear,
If so I would fall below the ocean,
Of broken desires' painful commotion,

So I grasp the thorn with all my might,
And all of my love and passion in sight,
To keep it from washing away in the sea,
Tis hard work, but nothing this good could be free,

I cherish this thorn and all of it's beauty,
To protect it is my oath sworn duty,
As it shines it's gaze to the stars above,
This wonderful thorn, I so deeply love.

Comments

[nightofheartsandwonders]

wow u r good its deep sry im a editer but not for poetry i feel like its more of a free write of self expression

[Marionette_Mentation]

this poem is very thought provoking. as a reader and a writer i like to feel both sides and see it in different views. i like it as both a writer and reader, but provoked to know of what your "thorn" is... on the other hand it makes it all the more beautiful as remained a mystery. ^.^

[Kibroth]

I actually think this is rather good.
Suggestions: In stanza 1, remove "it's" from line 4.
In stanza 3, perhaps remove "for it" from line 1. line 3 & 4, I suggest revising to; "Fresh air breathes into my life, whisking away evening strife".
Stanza 5, line 3, remove "the", line 4, perhaps change "this" to "so".
Finally, I suggest removing the commas, they detract from the work (poetry is awesome that way) smile )
Over all, very good for such a long poem! Keep writing! 4/5
-K

[iiReina]

what "thorn" are you talking about? i mean....what is your "thorn?" o.O it's kinda painful reading it. the descriptions are vivid :]]

[meth120]

thorn, but 5/5

[x__C r e a m - C h i]

Thorn???
Is it some girl??? =O 5/5

[Bleuraven123]

It's nice... I mean it's okay... It's not that bad!
And I really understand it(the words...)!
So, what is "your thorn"?