Icarus Dreams

• Artist: Bella Ayomide
• Description: I wrote this poem for the first round of VZN's Iron Poet contest. It's a pantoum that has gone through three different names now, so feedback on the name is welcome. Please leave comments as well as voting--critiques are priceless!
• Date: 07/17/2008
• Tags: icarus dreams pantoum

icarus dreams

the man stands in the doorway
while telling me stories of
the boy who died for want of the sky
who only wanted the freedom so long denied

while telling me stories of
the dreamer woken to painful reality
who only wanted the freedom so long denied
the man snubs out his cigarette in the mud

the dreamer woken to painful reality
he swirls around my mind as
the man snubs out his cigarette in the mud
i pay him no mind

he swirls around my mind as
i make my choice to dream anyway
i pay him no mind
whispering i am a dreamer

i make my choice to dream anyway
i find my identity in
whispering i am a dreamer
i look to the window because

i find my identity in
the boy who died for want of the sky
i look to the window because
the man stands in the doorway

Comments

[Spritez36]

awesome its so cool 5/5

[demon strait outta_hell]

Have you ever read the book the dark angel???
The name of ur poem caught my eye. i like it, good job. 5/5

[Trinityblood1045]

very well put watch out for the punctuation though i love the end " the man stands in the doorway" very good

[Astaire]

I know the prompt was a pantoum with no punctuation, but you might want to consider editing some in for posting in the arena.

Interesting that you chose the myth of Icarus for a subject. I wish you expanded a bit more beyond that myth, but you do very well with the pantoum form. 4laugh