WORLD

• Artist: Nikorruu
• Description: It is about the world.
• Date: 10/10/2009
• Tags: world

In the old times,
The world is free
Always new , wild, lovely and free
You can see everything, animals or tree
Objects moving quietly but willingly

The waters would open up,
Full of fishes, deeply pretty and so wealthy
You could see your face so clearly
That when you step, it was so happy

Then the people learned
Everything that is not good
They thought of illegal ways
And put to waste those lovely days

The world that we have always dreamed of,
Now is not very good,
It now has gases on earth,
And all we could see was all cutted trees

The people ignored,
They let bad things free,
Pain and suffering was all we could see,
That when one will cry, they just let the sound die

Now what we must do,
Create a good do,
Let all men know,
That world is them to save

That all creations must help,
Or else they will wept,
No one will fix for us,
But us for us.

So that when one day,
When another tree is cut
And you will realize you care,
We could see a sun that rise.

Comments

[Cherry Blossom Writings]

-Fish not fishes. Fish is the plural form of fish
-Due no do for "Crate a good do"
"That [the] world is (either: "for them to save" or "theirs to save"
-I don't understand the "No one will fix for us, But us for us"
-The last stanza could have been strong

Over all it is a good concept, but the rhyme took away from it too much. Maybe you should look into rewriting it with out rhyming. Also, as everyone else seemed to notice, you were missing words. (Will continue on a different comment)

[escreamas]

missing a few words and some of it dosnt match up other then that it is great i found the rythem in that one easly XD

[xxNick_Jonasismine1027xx]

i give a bigg thumbs ^

[BatzLove]

awesome. nice poem. 5/5

[gh3tto8uddha]

I agree. Aside from a few typos, still a very good message worth spreading. Gaia (the goddess) would be proud.

[Vll-Cloud Strife-Vll]

missing a couple words but a good message you were getting across ^^