• Jesus Christ I'm so confused. That term is weird, I say it all the time but I'm not even religious. I honestly wish I had faith, I envy people who do. I've been thinking a lot about cutting, about suicide, about death, just what sleeping forever would be like. Except not really sleeping, because all sensation is gone, no touch, no light, no sound, just nothingness and not even the sensation of nothingness. You know that feeling you get when your about to faint, your brain feels like its melting and you see dots of purple which blotch to blackness. And you know the feeling of emptiness almost calming then it starts to make you feel insane slowly, so alone, like you are the only thing. You're not really falling through the darkness and nothingness. You're just kind of there not resting on anything, not levitating, just being, just breathing, but you wish you could stop and become one with the nothingness, melt into it. Your particles mingling and displacing until you are thoroughly blended and your not a ghost, or a soul, or a demon, or a presence, or an existence, and your not an omniscient figure either. Now this, this is where it gets harder to explain. This is where the madness has taken over an you're not totally insane because you can still visually see the notebook and the pencil but in your minds eyes you see but don't see at the same time the nothing. You're not telling yourself to write these words their just coming out but at the same time you have to tell your head to slow down so your hand can keep up. But, you are still stuck in the nothingness. You are everything and nothing at the same time, its like you're carbon, no, no you're not because carbon is a substance and you are not a substance. You are not a being, you are not everything, you are not nothing, but you are the emptiness, you are the hollow not even shell that makes up the nothingness. Which is everything and everywhere. There is no beginning and there is no end. Except there is a beginning at least you think there is, but this is the first time you've thought in since you can't remember when. You are everything, and you are nothing, and you are everything, and you are nothing, and you are everything, and you are nothing, and you are everything, and you are nothing, and you are everything, and you are nothing, and you are everything, and you are nothing, and you are everything, and you are nothing, and you are everything, and you are nothing, and you are everything, and you are nothing, and you are everything, and you are nothing, and you are everything, and you are nothing, and you are everything, and you are nothing, and you are nothing. Emptiness, no presence, no light, no sound, not sensation, or touch, no internal feelings or emotions, just knowing what your brain tells you, but you don't know if it's really your brain or just the darkness, the nothing, the empty, the everything, the truth, and the illusion. But, the truth again the everything, the nothing, and all you know is nothing is nothing is nothing is nothing is nothing is nothing is nothing is nothing is nothing is nothing is nothing is nothing is nothing is nothing is nothing is nothing is nothing is nothing is nothing is nothing is nothing is nothing is nothing is nothing is nothing is nothing is nothing is nothing is nothing is nothing is nothing is nothing is nothing is nothing is nothing is nothing is nothing is nothing is nothing is nothing is nothing is nothing is nothing is nothing is nothing is nothing is nothing is nothing and its never ending because it is everything, there is no temperature here, but because there is no feeling, and you are nothing, and this is nowhere, you're not cold, but you're not warm, or hot, or cool, or comfortable, just there. But, you're nowhere because this is nowhere, but it is everything unless everything you just read, and you just wrote is wrong and the nothing is inside of you. Inside of all of us, inside everything, controlling us, living through us. But, who is "us"? Is it just me? Is it everyone, is it everything, but it can't be everything because it is nothing or can it? or is it? What is going on? Where is the nothing? Or is it too late? Is it gone? Have I missed my chance to join it, or has it already taken me by force or of my own accord. HELP ME. I don't know anymore. I'm just scaring myself. I've stopped being able to control what I write and what my mind creates because I was already taken by the nothing, by the everything, by the emptiness, by everything and nothing and everything and nothing and everything and nothing and everything and nothing, but more of this is possible because nothing is nothing is nothing is nothing is nothing is nothing is nothing is nothing is nothing is nothing is nothing is nothing is nothing is nothing is nothing is nothing is nothing is nothing is nothing is nothing is nothing is nothing is nothing is nothing, but it's everything. And, it's everywhere and I can't help it anymore. I have to stop but I can't. I'm dying. It's taking me and it will never stop but now I don't want it to. Please don't leave me. Now you are home to me. Never leave just hold me just let us be one, but we are everything and nothing it's never over, it's never ending, it never stops, it never ends, but it makes no sense because it is nothing.