• In the passion of writing,I've decided to yield to the opinion of nobody,I will let you be the chooser of what you may think is right and wrong,What's fact and opinion so many different truths among the human cerebellum in the natural endeavor of life,We quaintly decide the path that is walked upon for the day,right,Wrong,Sinful and righteous in the one goal everybody strides for.... to be successful in what they do.So!! Let's move onto the point because I think everyone picks up on what's suppose to be communicated with the start of all this "life lesson speech". I feel the urgency to tell you a few things about me and what's swirling around in my twisted mind.Let's just call this the "Memoirs Of A Nobody." Just to start from the beginning of it all,I started noticing some self awareness coming about when I turned Fifteen ,Even to that day,for fifteen years I had my name Trevor Allen Haynes,Yet to still wonder who was this being I stared at in the mirror every morning brushing my teeth and every night getting ready to let my mind wonder the universe for a eternity,But let's get back to the dream thing later... Who was this guy with no face in the glass shelled prison that I had visited a lot through my normal routine,If you're wondering by now I had taken time to think about it,Not really too clear,and it would be the demon that would haunt me for years to come,The more I thought about it,I seen someone who was already having suicidal thoughts and been broken to peices by the world shattering around him.It was that moment I had realised I had to keep a smile on my face just so people would leave me alone and not think I'm some kind of phsychotic freak,and it's defintally made part of who I am today.The older I got the more I thought about life is going to suck no matter how you it,You live,You work,You die,End of story right? Well if that's the case I must some kind of purpose in life for myself,I was searching what's my life worth,I felt so empty,hallow I felt like what the Iraqians called Americans a basic fourm of a infadel sub human,Not human at all,I didn't care what happened at that point.Then everything really started coming down around me faimly fighting and everything else,To start a new chapter of my life in Arkansas,So I was back in the school I had known before we moved away from Arkansas to Wisconsin in the first place to only waste two years of my life in that frostbitten state.We all know the new kid routine,Even though I wasn't new just had been missing for a while.I got a lot of the "Let's ******** with the new kid" thing anyways,Not the way I would approach someobody but hey they're totally not me.In odd sort of sence,I'm happy it all happened that way,I wouldn't have ever been as strong as I am now and let me tell you,I have been through some hell,They're right about the "What doesn't kill you makes you stronger." I've come so close to giving up many times,but why that would show everyone that thinks I'm weak they where right all along,But really the only thing that's kept me from finallizing my own demise is the thought of going to hell.I think we all struggle with our own device,We are all stuck in the ocean of pain,yet my life saver,hasn't come yet,No life vest no hands to pull me out of this pool of pain.Now I'm going to get back to what's really gone down,All through out Highschool is when I really started to lose all self esteem and worth,I was never the popular kid,I have to admit I tried a few times,But it never worked for me,I would act like the school fool,even got into fights as hard as I tried I was still a nobody another face in the crowd another adolcent misbehaving kid sitting in the office for stupid stuff.This day I sit here and think still what's my purpose in life? I'm starting to think it's beggining of the end,I'm destin to be alone for the rest of my life,Faimly won't be around forever and none of my realtionships ever work out,I see all my friends getting married now a days.Still wondering if god has any plans for me,I'm still waiting to see,God will put me where he wants me when he wants there I suppose,Till then I still feel like a faceless nobody,Everybody says there here for me,But in one way or another everyone who has told me that has disapeared people are never permant,They say drugs are a tempoary solution,But so are people,They're comforting you one minute,Plotting against you the next.I guess my purpose in life may come or not,Till then I'm still searching for my "happy place" to be able to sit wait till that happens for me.