• 1. First things first: to be an average adult without a single, solitary thought that makes divides you apart from other prehistoric algae brained morons, you have to finish high school. I mean you can't be an average adult with a below average scores, everyone might think you were… stupid… or something.

    2. With your incredulous piece of scratch paper now harbored in some safe place where you never look at it again and quite possibly never have use for it, we can now get down to business.

    3. One thing you must learn early on is that everything you see and hear is just. Like. Television. Everyone will react in the same exact way as every other barnyard animal, in this case will you will be represented by a sheep. They're cute, fluffy, all look alike, and for all intensive purposes they are one of the dumbest animals that could possibly have use in the modern world, second only to lemmings.

    4. Every day you will be forced to go to a monotonous job that you yourself can't stand and in fact could quite possibly hate, but you don't dare show that emotion for fear of people picking you out of the crowd. And we wouldn't want to be picked out of the crowd now would we? Being chosen apart from the rest of the lambs being taken to the proverbial slaughter might set you up for something greater than this mundane plane of existence.

    5. So, aside from the useless work banter around the water cooler about who was sleeping with whose wife/husband, which will always be the high light of your day, nothing interesting will happen, EVER!!!

    6. You will do your job as averagely as is humanly possible, never showing any initiative apart from the strict guideline that you will always complete your work in such a way that keeps you employed. All this made in an effort to wake up the following morning with the same goal in mind.

    7. Your spouse, your kids, your life will hold no more value than an insignificant grain of sand on a never ending beach with trillions of other grains of sand as seemingly insignificant as yourself.

    8. As the years dredge on by, somewhere in the thought process of your dying mind, one might hear a lowly reverberating shriek as more brain cells begin to wither away and die. They'll beg to have been heard, but you'll brush it off as a chunk of earwax and some indigestion without a second thought.

    9. All in all, you'll go out of this life exactly the same way you came in; a screaming mass of blubbering flesh begging to given a tit. You'll be given every opportunity to advance and excel in this life, except you'll use it to booze, smoke, laze, and/or sex your life away. At the end, when you're surrounded by your friends and family, you won't be able to even exacerbate the want to have been anything other than a delusional half-wit, without a trace of intelligence…

    10. I hope this has been your perfect guide to becoming an average adult on average credentials… Stay tuned for further insinuations of other planes of being… I just might throw a chunk of lettuce to all your wayward sheep… heart heart heart