• I was looking outside our classroom, when I saw a kid pushed to the ground by another kid.
    I ran up to him and help him picked himself up, I was wearing a shorts that time and not a skirt which is our uniform, shorts is for the boys, though I can't remember why i wasn't wearing skirt that time.
    After helping him up, the kid suddenly point his tongue out to me and the other kid laugh at me and started teasing me because of what I'm wearing. I was shocked and couldn't say any word, i thought I'm going to receive a simple "thank you" instead of that. They continue to laugh at me.
    Me, feeling embarrassed and shocked I ran back to our classroom.



    That memory of me when i was a little kid made me of what I am today.
    At first I didn't notice. But then one day, that moment came flashing back to my mind during our match class. I realize that I am selfish and snobby. I only care about myself and few people like my family and some friends who i think are real friends. I thought maybe that's the reason why some people don't like me and during grade school I always feel like alone and seems like no one cares for me even though I know that my family loves me.
    That memory made me stop trusting people, and always afraid to be judge. Sometimes I don't appreciate the concern people give me. I don't know. It's like, I'm always scared to trust people fearing they'll only ignore the things I do for them. I don't open up to people, I just keep silent when I'm feeling down and hold my tears so that they'll not fall. When I was a kid I was a cry baby, I'm always crying every time my mother leaves, and when i did not get what i want. But no one cares, they will just tell me to shut up. So now I stop crying, even when i feel like to. I just hold them inside and let the time to make the feeling go away.
    I don't know how to change myself, the fear is always inside.
    It all started when i was a kid, and you know what happens when a kid experienced something. They'll have them till they grow up.