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Outside of Hillstown
one month ago
Ken rode west towards the only home he had ever known. It was past time he returned after his long service in the army. His heart ached for the city, for a life without bloodshed, for the arms of his father welcoming him home. With all his tales of heroic deeds Ken had wished his father had warned him about the price he paid. The pain that was physical had long subsided, but his mind, that was another thing. How did his father do it? He never showed any fear, any weakness. His father always came home with a large smile and a new story; never breaking down and crying, haunted because of what he’d done.
The blood still stained his hands. His old uniform was so bloodied it had to be burned. The other villagers had provided him new clothing that fit perfectly; the most expensive they had for thanks of what he had done for them. But what had he done exactly? What kind of a monster slays all of the friends he’s ever known in life? No one should be that easy to kill in another’s mind.
He had been riding for so long looking at the ground in front of his horse that he almost missed the girl on the path in front of him. The horse whinnied and stopped to a halt; bringing Ken’s gaze up to a lovely young woman no more than a year younger than him. “Hello sir do you bring news from the east?”
Ken had almost forgotten himself in front of this beautiful lady. Her hair was the color of gold, her eyes were greener than sweet spring grasses, and her face was fairer than those of the elves in ancient tales. She had to call to him again before he could think of a response that would be fit for a woman of her stature.
“Uh yea some news I guess…” Smooth.
The woman approached him “Do you have any news of the campaigns in the east? Have the rebels been routed yet?”
Ken was at a loss for words. He had no idea what the army had been up to after he ran. He didn’t have much information on what happened in the east other than what had happened to him. “The rebels have been far from routed. They are well organized but lack the size needed to win. They slaughtered a couple of units in a village a week’s ride from here before they were defeated. They fight hard and are giving the army a run for its money.”
The woman was troubled by the news “Do you know the names of the fallen?” she asked
They are seared into my mind with their screams of death and blood for eternity Ken thought “yes I know of those that fell in the village.”
Was Jenith Carson one of the fallen?” Ah so the beauty had a sweetheart in the armies. At least Ken did not need to feel the sickness of knowing he murdered this woman’s lover. “No my dear there was no man by that name that fell in the battle. He may have been sent elsewhere.”
The woman looked both relieved and sick with worry in the same instant “Thank you, my brother left our town months ago to fight the rebel and I have yet to receive a letter or hear of his fate. I worry about him.”
Kens initial assumption had been wrong, not her lover but her brother. Ken almost pitied her, never being able to know whether her sibling had been killed in battle or whether he would walk in during a family dinner, at least Ken had been given the mercy of knowing the fate of those he cared about. “I’m sorry I could not be of any help. What kind of man is your brother?”
“He is built like a bear with an appetite to match. When he wasn’t wooing the town’s maiden he was fighting the suitors off of me. I didn’t mind it one bit, he was always just trying to look out for me.” The woman smiled at some memory of her brother that Ken couldn’t imagine having. One thing that Ken wished he could have was the bond between siblings; Ken didn’t even have a cousin to keep an eye on.
“I’m sure a man of that stature is no force to mess with. He is alive, whether through his strength alone or of the strength of the men who look to him as inspiration in battle. Fear not, he shall be home for supper before you know it.” It was a lie if Ken had ever told one. Most men like that would die being the hope the army stood behind, and once he died his friends would scatter with the winds. However the woman made no indication of thinking it a lie and began to smile at the thought of her brother being untouchable. Such was the power of hope to make a lie into the truth it wishes to be
. “Thank you kind sir, i see you are riding towards town. Do you have any plans on staying the night?”
Ken hadn’t been thinking about where he was going to stay the night. He had even considered riding throughout the night till exhaustion stopped him. It may not be the best to outrun your nightmares but it sure as hell helped. “I have not made any preparations for a room in town. Do you know of any inns that have spare room?”
The woman grabbed the reins of his horse. “Nonsense you will be a guest at my father’s house. He will be pleased to hear Jenith is not dead yet. Besides he’s curious about the east and I’m sure he would like to question you all about it.” She began to lead Ken’s steed down the path he had been following when they met.
Ken’s initial instincts did not feel comfortable with letting a stranger handle his horse, but then again it wasn’t his horse now was it? He allowed the woman to lead him to town. “By the way my name is Susanna, what would your name be messenger?”
Ken hesitated for a minute wondering whether to give his real name or not.
“My name is Kent of the Heryn armed forces.” Smooth.
- by rolejunkie42 |
- Fiction
- | Submitted on 08/17/2011 |
- Skip
- Title: A Legend's birth
- Artist: rolejunkie42
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Description:
A young soldier is forced to kill his brothers in arms in order to save a remote village. He heads west in order to return home to his father, a legendary swordsman. His journey home begins a tale that will grow to legend in the realm of the Heryn Empire.
This is just a story i'm working on I would love any comments and critiques. Technically this is the second chapter, my first chapter needs reworked heavily before i can post it. sorry. - Date: 08/17/2011
- Tags: legends birth fantasy
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Comments (5 Comments)
- vlww118 - 10/02/2011
- Pretty good. The story is interesting but you need to work on your grammar and punctuation a little. You did a good job with descriptions and the setting.
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- Burning Breeze - 09/29/2011
- This was pretty good, and I'd love to read more. Your spelling and grammar is well above the average on this site, but I can offer a few suggestions. "The pain that was physical" could be "The physical pain." Some other things need changing to make it flow better, but you have one hell of a draft here. Keep writing!
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- Thecrazymusicgirl - 09/21/2011
- like ^ .^
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- rolejunkie42 - 08/18/2011
- thank you very much =D. i plan on posting more of this when i have it up to standard.
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- ii-r-b e a s t - 08/18/2011
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I love your writing. <3
You had almost no mistakes, which is a feat in itself, and you capture your reader with your descriptions. I love it. ^-^ - Report As Spam