• Ch. 01 End of Life

    (This is the rewrite Chapter 1 that I've done and have put up in the arena due to my mixed feelings on the original. If you wish to read the orginal chapter 1, please see the comment at the bottom.)


    "Insanity is not an illness, it is merely another means to gain what you desire."
    - The Beast from the East

    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    The silence was deafening. Within this white room, underneath these white sheets, in the darkness found in the very recess of my consciousness, I was drowning myself in guilt.
    I had betrayed her.


    The scene never left me. No, this is more like me making sure that I’m personally punished. I was unconsciously making sure that I never forgot my sin.


    I was just the two of us back then staring face to face at each other in the middle of the circular room with the faces of adults watching intently at the show unfolding before them. They wanted to see the strength of our bonds. They told us that they were going to teach us how to destroy them.


    The man who led this gathering spoke gently, almost crooning at us.


    Beat each other. Don’t stop until the other is barely recognizable.


    We stood there in silence for awhile. This was another one of their experiments; something the seventeen of us had to endure daily. We were originally part of three hundred kids who were “chosen” around the world by a man who plays a flute. The other kids called him the Pied Piper. I didn’t get what they meant by that name but I do know one thing I’ve learned. There was a saying that went, “beware of strangers.” No one ever told me that until I got here.


    We won’t do it.


    Ayane spoke up.


    You can torture us all you want, but we will never hurt each other.


    I froze.
    Back then I only thought about the torture that we would have to endure, no live with, if we didn’t follow their orders.


    Ayane’s twin sister, Ayase, completely lost her mind when they tortured her. She was taken away after refusing to sleep with a monster and we didn’t see her for a very long time. The next time we did, she wasn’t the gentle Ayase we all knew. She whispered random things and wasn’t able to take care of herself. She continuously wet herself but instead of pee, it was blood. When Ayane cleaned her up, we found out the truth to her insanity. There were stitches all over her stomache that reached all the way down to here she peed. We never talked about it after that. We could figure out what happened. We didn’t need to say anything else.


    I didn’t want the same thing to happen to Ayane. Back then, I truly wanted to save her from that torture. I had to save her even if it meant following their orders.


    I never saw what I did next, but my other senses exposed the truth.


    I heard her gurgles as she tried to scream stop.
    I felt her hands trying to restrain me as they grew weaker.
    I tasted her tears mixed with the blood streaming from her orifices.
    I smelled her breath as she tried to gasp for air while she drowned in her own blood.


    I was killing her. I had to in order to save her. Too bad that was just an excuse. I look back and realize that I just sold her out. I sold her out to save myself.


    They took her away after that.


    She’s dead. It’s my fault.


    That’s the only thought that crossed my mind these past few days. They kept me in the White Room longer than usual. The others must hate me. They must want me dead for killing her. I don’t blame them.


    I…


    Do you wish to be free?


    A voice rang throughout the room. That was impossible. I’ve been in here many times and there are no speakers or anything of the sort. I thought that I was going insane.


    You are not insane. I am real. I can set you free.


    “If you can, then show-“


    I stopped mid -sentence. I wanted so much to escape that I couldn’t even control myself. If I proceeded to answer, then even I had to admit I was insane.


    Then let me prove to you that you are not insane.


    A dull thump made from a padded wall tile coming loose occurred underneath the bed. I crawled down carefully off the bed to check down carefully to check and there was a vent just behind that loose tile.


    Crawl until you reach your Garden. There you can be set free.


    I went in. I no longer cared for anything else other than freedom. Caution left me as did fear. I continued on with a shred of hope for freedom.


    It felt like hours that I crawled in the vent painted with shadows, yet I kept going. I forgot those that I had left behind and only thought about the freedom that would welcome me. The first few things I would do were to eat great food and sleep in a nice, cozy bed. It seems that the darkness blinded more than just my eyes but I continued dreaming… until I fell.


    It was dark but I should’ve seen the hole that was in front of me. It appeared out of nowhere. From darkness to darkness I fell with a splash. It was my weakness. I couldn’t swim.


    I struggled beneath the surface but I knew deep down that this would be my grace. My lungs begged for the oxygen that was only a few feet away but the muscles in my extremities wouldn’t respond due to their fatigue. My mouth instinctively gasped for air where it could not reach and I knew I was finished. The water rushed in through my mouth then ravaged the entrances of my nose. It was burning. It’s ironic how the element that puts out flames could cause such painful burns.


    It’s over.
    I close my eyes.
    I give up.
    Freedom is gone.
    This is my punishment for betrayal.
    At least let me try to see the sky once before I go.
    Ah… An Angel…


    I reached out my hand and slept.


    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


    The final rush of life as death approaches you is the last piece of thought that enters your life. Most people see what they have done in their lives and judge themselves before they are judged by the higher power. To those that are young- the opposite applies. They see what they could have been. They will see themselves attending school, making making friends, spending time with their families, finding their beloved, having children of their own, watch their parents fade away, and experience the same fate themselves, which their children and their children's children will also experience; the cycle of life and death.



    When the flame of their life dwindles, in their last moments whether they develop speech or still reside in their mother's womb,they will wonder and cry out - I don't want to die.

    .