• CHAPTER 178 - IGNORANCE IS NOT BLISS

    Ignorance can either lead you to a lecture or misery…or even both at once.

    .:{{Arisa’s Perspective}}:.

    Warm…why was I feeling warm? I was sleeping out in the rain on a cardboard slab; how could I possibly be warm? And it didn’t even feel like I was lying on cardboard; I was lying on something plush and dry. My body felt absorbed; whatever I was sleeping on felt amazing.

    My eyes finally opened only to look upon the most beautiful face I had ever known. He was sitting on a chair next to where I was lying and his fingertips were pressed against his forehead and his eyes were closed. Except that…his face was angry. Why did he look so angry?

    “You’re finally awake,” Kai mumbled, slowly opening his eyes.

    I shut my eyes for a moment and opened them again weakly. I looked around my surroundings and gasped; I was back in Kai and mine’s bedroom, at our house. I was covered in probably three layers of comforters on our bed and a towel under my head. My mind was going wild; Kai actually brought me back to our house? Not Matsuda and Orihime’s?

    “I needed to speak with you,” Kai mumbled again through a clenched jaw.

    I turned my head towards him and weakly reached out for his hand, “Kai…”

    Kai withdrew his hand and kept his angered eyes on me. My heart stopped and my stomach dropped; why did he look so angry at me? I thought he would be somewhat glad that I decided to stay with him, rather than separate ourselves.

    “You have no idea,” he murmured. “You have no idea why I’m truly angry, do you?”

    I shook my head a little, growing concerned, “No…”

    “Would you be angry too if you found me sleeping in an alley in the rain?” he asked rhetorically. “Would you be angered if I completely contradicted your orders?”

    Oh.

    “I’m sorry…” I mumbled.

    “Sorry isn’t enough, Arisa,” he looked away. “Not this time.”

    “I…” I bit my bottom lip as tears started to gather. “I didn’t want you to leave me; not like that.”

    Kai glared at me, “I left you like that because I couldn’t be near you any longer,” he hissed. “It hurts me physically to be near you.”

    “But I don’t want to leave—”

    “You can’t be near me, Arisa!” Kai blustered and stood up from his chair, instantly silencing the atmosphere.

    My heart shattered; Kai had never shouted at me before, never out of anger. The tears finally billowed out of my eyes and I covered my mouth, “I’m sorry…” I squeaked.

    “Dammit, Arisa, you don’t do what you did!” he hissed. “You don’t venture out into the darkness and walk for ten miles in the rain while you’re pregnant!”

    “I’m sorry…” I squeaked again.

    “Arisa, I approached you with a Vampire attached to your neck,”

    I moved my hands to my neck and, surely enough, there were bandages layered around my neck. Whatever I did was probably why I was so weak and exhausted; I didn’t know how much blood the Vampire took and that I was sleeping in the rain. What I did was such a blur to me; I hardly remembered much.

    “If you’re going to be a mother, you need to rid yourself of your ignorance,”

    A sob broke out of my chest and I covered my mouth again; Kai had never been so cruel to me. I honestly couldn’t tell if it was the contract making him so cruel or not. His eyes were red, but they could have been red from infuriation rather than possession. How would I know anyways?

    “Kai…” I squeaked, “There’s…” I stopped myself; with how uneasy Kai was at the moment, I couldn’t tell him there were twins. He’d surely go on a rampage.

    “I’ll leave you to sleep,” Kai said coldly.

    As he was turning to leave, I gripped him by his sleeves and buried my face in his chest. Another sob broke out and Kai’s shirt was already soaked with my tears. I was such a horrible person; how could I go against Kai in such a way? I was causing him physical pain without even touching him, and yet I go on and try to find him when he tries to get rid of me. I should have stayed back, but I couldn’t allow myself to; I wanted to be with him.

    “I’m so sorry, Kai, I’m so sorry,” I sobbed into his chest. “Please don’t leave the room.”

    Kai’s fists clenched and then he gasped, dropping to his knees and embracing me. I buried my face in his shoulder and continued to cry as Kai started to rub my back. He held me a little tighter, “I’m sorry, Arisa, I shouldn’t have yelled at you in such a way,” he mumbled. “It’s difficult to contain myself anymore.”

    “You have every right to yell at me,” I shook my head. “I shouldn’t have run away from Matsuda and Orihime’s. I shouldn’t have, but I…I also couldn’t contain myself.”

    “But I’m serious about your ignorance,” Kai pulled back and stared at me. “You can’t run after everything you want if you’re going to be a mother.”

    “Come with me,” I cried. “Come to Europe with me so we can be parents together.”

    Kai shook his head, “I can’t be near you, not ever,”

    “I know I agreed with you when you said you’d rather never see me again than bring me to my death…” I sniffed, “but I never realized how hard it would really be.”

    “I know…”

    “I don’t get it…” I wiped away one tear. “You say you’d rather send me away and never see me again than have me die…but wouldn’t that pretty much be the same thing?”

    Kai smiled sentimentally with pain in his eyes, “I would find comfort in sending you away because I would know you would still be alive,”

    “Please don’t make me go,” I pleaded, shaking my head. “Don’t make me leave you. I don’t care about my well-being; I care about you.”

    “But you have a child to care for,” Kai mumbled. “It would be rancid enough to keep you in danger, but I can’t endanger the child as well.”

    I pulled Kai a little closer to me, “Then…can we…”

    “Arisa, you’re sick,” Kai whispered. “I won’t do so when you’re in this condition.”

    “I’ll get better eventually,” I smiled weakly. “I’ve recovered from some of the worst sicknesses.”

    Kai leaned down and kissed my forehead, “Not when you’re sick,”

    I pulled Kai a little closer to me and locked my arms around his neck, refusing to allow him to leave me again. I never wanted to be alone; I didn’t even want Kai to be in a different room than me. Who knew if he would simply take off again? I didn’t care if I was sick or pregnant; I wanted Kai.

    “Just this once,” I whispered, closing my eyes and pressing my forehead against his. “Make love to me again.”

    “Arisa—” Kai was about to speak until I pressed my lips against his.

    I started unbuttoning his shirt slowly and started to kiss his neck and jaw repeatedly. He stood still for a long moment and kissed my neck a couple of times as well. He seemed to be switching back and forth from wanting an intimate moment with me to not wanting anything to do with me.

    “Make love to me again, please,” I pleaded in his mouth. “I don’t want you to leave me.”

    “Arisa…” he mumbled. He ended up gripping my wrists and slightly pushed me away.

    I pulled my right wrist out of Kai’s grip and full-out slapped him. Kai stared at me in slight surprise and I slapped him once more, blinded by my fury, “How dare you! How dare you try to abandon me again!”

    “Arisa, it was for the—”

    “Don’t tell me it was for the best of me! What’s best is for us to stay together with the baby!” I blustered; it was difficult not to say there were two babies.

    Kai gently gripped my bicep and tried to pull me off of the bed, “Let’s get you back to Matsuda and Orihime’s,”

    I shook my head furiously and started trying to push Kai away from me but his grip on my bicep firmed, “Let me go!” I cried.

    “Arisa, you don’t understand; you can’t be near me.” He seethed coldly. “Any day now, I could involuntarily take you away. It’s difficult enough to retain my sanity at this moment.”

    Not only was he losing his sanity, but I could have sworn I was losing mine as well again. I reached over to the gun on top of the dresser and grabbed it. I pressed the barrel against Kai’s forehead and he stopped instantly, staring at me in complete shock. His hand was still around my bicep and his grip was as cold as ever. The atmosphere fell utterly silent; all that was heard was the gentle breeze outside and my heavy breathing.

    “Arisa…” Kai stared at me in disbelief.

    I never spoke; I wasn’t myself anymore. I knew that the real me would never point a gun at Kai. The real me would have eventually come to terms with Kai’s proposal, rather than resort to violence. The contract’s doing was very nigh; even I was losing my sanity.

    “Arisa,” Kai started. “Put the gun down.”

    After another moment, I dropped the gun; but it wasn’t because Kai told me to. Soon after I dropped the gun, I moved my free hand to my stomach. I felt as though I were being torn apart from the inside slowly. I groaned audibly and dropped onto the ground. Kai waited for a moment before he dropped onto his knees in front of me.

    “What’s wrong?” he asked in concern. “Is something wrong with the baby?”

    I was about to tell him to go away, but the whole reason why I was arguing was because I didn’t want him to go away. I merely nodded and allowed a couple of tears to come out; the pain was excruciating.

    “You pushed yourself too hard,” Kai set one hand on my shoulder.

    “It hurts,” I cried. “My stomach is killing me.”

    “You need to keep yourself under control,” Kai mumbled, burying his face in my neck.

    “I-I’m sorry,” I sobbed. “I don’t know what happened; I didn’t mean to point the gun at you.” I felt so rancid. “I’m losing it, Kai.”

    “You would have possessed every right to pull that trigger,” he sighed.

    I coughed several times, trying to catch my breath. I knew I was going to be sick; most likely with pneumonia, “Please don’t send me away…”

    “Let’s get you onto the bed,” Kai dodged the subject.

    I managed to get myself onto my hands and knees with Kai’s support and I stopped short to vomit on the floor. Kai held his breath and scooped me into his arms and lay me down on the bed. He pulled the sheets and comforter over me and even laid another comforter over me from the closet. I was in my lingerie, cold, sick, stressed, and still pregnant. My neck was sore from the Vampire bite and my bicep hurt from Kai’s firming grip.

    “I’m sorry,” I squeaked. “I’m sorry for going against you like this…I should have known better.”

    “You should have,” he agreed with me. “You’re going to be a mother soon; you need to realize that times will approach where you will have to release your grip on things.”

    I wanted to cry again, “But I can’t let go of you; you’re my fiancé and the father of this baby.” I clenched my stomach. “You tell me how easy it is to let go of someone you love so much.”

    Kai smiled weakly and closed his eyes, “I loosened my grip on everything I had when I became a Vampire, Arisa,” he looked at me. “I was forced to release everybody and everything I loved but my big brother.”

    “You have a point,” I mumbled grimly, halfway covering my face with the covers.

    Kai stroked my head, “But you’ve had to let go of much more than the average human,” he mumbled. He switched the subject. “Get to sleep.”

    I gripped onto his sleeve, “Promise me you’ll still be here when I wake up,”

    “I promise,”

    “Kiss me,” I asked. “Even if it’s our last one, I just want you to kiss me.”

    Kai hesitated for a long moment before he slowly leaned over and gently compressed his lips against mine. It lasted for a long time until he pulled away and left the bedroom. My heart was tearing in two; I was starting to regret ever coming after Kai again. I was only putting him through more misery and increasing my chances of being killed by him.

    Without another word, Kai left the bedroom. I was about to tell him I loved him but I was sure he knew; and he probably didn’t want to suffer anymore being around me. I breathed out a huge sigh of relief that Kai didn’t force me back to Matsuda and Orihime’s right away and I flipped over in the bed, holding the blankets close to me. After a coughing fit, I finally managed to force myself asleep and leave tomorrow a mystery.