The Nameless Grave

• Artist: Kei Turpis
• Description: -!CRITICS ARE ALLOWED ONLY IF THEY POINT OUT BAD THINGS AND SUGGEST WAYS TO IMPROVE IT!-
  My mum said it was horrible, but in a good way. She meant that it was creepy, only because of the little hands popping up.
  It's for my school english homework, it's supposed to engage the reader, my mum said it engaged her, and my friends stuffed up the last paragraph and I had to change it. It was orriginally for my sims 2 family, I wanted to make a haunted house.
• Date: 02/01/2010
• Tags: nameless grave horror blood

The cold iron gates creaked slowly as it was pushed gently open. The small child snuck in quietly between the large metal gates and a gentle breeze brushed against the child’s delicate ear and murmured the horrific cries of the many lost children, trapped forever in this miserable prison.

The light footsteps cut through the eerie silence like a sharp blade, as they walked towards the intimidating stone manor. Glancing at the tall tower, a dim candle light flickered at the window as a shadow walked past in haste. The child climbed the steep stairs up towards the old manors’ grand stone door and gently pushed it open. As the door opened smoothly, the child entered in with dread, through the blood painted hallway, past the glaring portraits and empty rooms, down to the bleak, dusty stairs.

These bleak stairs led down towards the ominous graveyard where tombstones were aligned in an unusual manner. Upon each stone a name was written in an unusual style and amongst them one had no name. As the small child bent down for a closer look, the wind suddenly blew at the stone. Like dust, the stone began to crumble and a name was suddenly revealed. To the child’s shock, tiny hands shot up from the soft earth and grabbed the small ankles, dragging them into the ground. Where their putrid corpse would forever remain, and on the stone, amongst the blood stained scratches, wrote their name, bleeding softly with their fresh blood…

Comments

[it-dot]

Wow, this is great. My only suggestions would be, hmm...adding an 'in' between snuck and quietly, and you repeated 'small child' twice int he same paraghraph, though the reason could be that it was just there to make a point.

[x_Graveling_x]

Not bad, but there are quite a few redundancies