• I never thought that life would be anything but easy. I mean, I'm good at all my courses in college, that's basically all you need to have a good life. When you are quick and efficient the world paves you a life you can be proud of. But that's when your on your own. You add girls and boys into the picture, or friends for that matter, things that were so simple turn difficult. When you used to be able to do your work in a nice amount of time it takes you two hours longer because all you want to do is call them. Why should life become so difficult?
    I'm Cassie Marie and i used to be a complete nerd. All about the work, not about the fun. Everything normal girls got to do i missed out on. Until i went off to college i was anything but pretty or sexy but i made a vow to change that as soon as i left high school. I bought my first micro-mini skirt. My first basically see through bra. More thongs than you could imagine. As you can see my idea of pretty and sexy was slutty. But it got me what i wanted. Bring on the clothing and make-up and i got men. Truckloads of them. I got hunks, nerds, idiots, jocks, preps, you name it i got it. i never thought that this could be a bad thing. I never worried what bad news this sort of behaviour brings poor girls like me. I went on a crasher after i found out. I couldn't believe it could happen. Its something that no one around you has so you assume it only happens on TV. In life however, aids do happen.
    I went to so many doctors, trying to prove it wrong. I wanted to kick the person who brought me this horrible outcome, rip their eyes out, claw their faces till they bled, but the only person i could blame was myself. I cant say that I didn't know i was wrong to do this in the begining. I knew in the back of my mind that some time soon i was going to have to stop. But i didn't care, this life was so much more fun and exhilarating. So new and less stressful. I didn't want it to ever stop.
    After finding out i got another big wallop, in all the excitement i forgot about my courses. I was failing everything. My life was turning into a big black hole that was sucking up everything i had to hang onto. I crawled into bed that night and didn't get out for two days. I didn't eat, read, watch television, talk on the phone, no one knew why. I hadn't told a soul. My secret was weighing me down. The next day i up and left. I got a taxi to take me to the airport and i left. No little notes left explaining my past actions, nothing. I got home and hugged my parents, first my mother and then my father. When they found out they cried. I didn't know if it was because of the disease or the fact that they found out i wasn't their little girl anymore.
    I don't know why but in the next few years i went to a different community college, studying in public speaking. I graduated with honors. I bought a trailer and started touring the country, speaking to schools about my past like it didn't bother me. It was a healing experience. Seeing those little kids understanding what it feels like. And i was okay. Okay with the world, myself, forgiving and forgetting. Live and let live.