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Throne of Demensia.
by Nightkat89
The winds started to howl like a wolf longing his lost companion. I decided to stop my travels and set camp for the night. "Man this is frigid" I said to myself as I wrapped my furs tighter around my body. Sadly I would have to do without a fire for tonight due to the fact the winds wouldn't permit my flint and steel to do their intended job. My Tent wouldn't hold firmly down due to the partially frozen and ice covered ground. I finally gave up and made a simple structure out of the canvas to protect my horse, Yira, and I from the frigid oncoming storm.
The Night was not an easy one to lay down and get some much needed sleep. The winds were by far annoying me to no end, along with the snowfall that I am assuming started during the early morning hours. I was worried more about Yira, than about myself. She was startled all night, constantly shuffling her hooves amongst the ground.
What seemed like a week in time, the Sun started to creep over the top of the canyon walls and shine the much needed warmth into the crevice which I called home for a duration of time. I managed to notice a little light creeping through part of the canvas that needed repairing and I began to dig myself out from the night of snowfall. Luckily Yira was calm when I arose, however she had a heavy breathing pattern for some reason. I would have to reach the nearest outpost soon or she may develop something worse.
I Stretched, taking a big and over exaggerated yawn and began to admire how the suns rays reflected off of the fresh powder. Strapping my sword back around my waist and packing up camp, Yira and I proceeded further down the path of the canyon.
During the frigid, yet awkwardly calm walk, I began to notice an outline in the distance. "Perhaps this could be the path up off the canyon wall?" I thought silently to myself. I pulled out the map that was given to me by my father, Roland the 3rd, King of Demensia and scanned it for any possible clues I could obtain. Yes, in fact this was the rise out of the canyon. It would be a great day for sure to finally rid myself out of this forsaken frigid wind tunnel! I began to pick up pace, leading Yira by her reigns to give her a much needed break from the previous day of riding.
Eventually of what seemed like half a day of fighting the wind and the accumulating snowfall, We had finally reached what looked like a small man-made wooden structure to make a path up and on top of the canyon. I slowly threw my leg over Yiras body and shifted around till I found a nice comfortable spot. I began to lead her up the narrow stairway and eventually out of the canyon walls.
Sliding off of Yira I looked around the landscape and to the mountains in the East. The sight was breathtaking. Even though the land I stood on was flat, I could see for a great distance. I must have reached the Prairie Lands....
(Continued in Throne of Demensia Part 2)
- by Nightkat89 |
- Fiction
- | Submitted on 01/14/2009 |
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- Title: The Throne of Demensia (Intro)
- Artist: Nightkat89
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Description:
The Throne of Demensia is an idea that I have had in my head for the longest time. I am a great fan of several fiction writers such as H.G. Wells and Christopher Paolini. I decided to write my own epic adventure, don't know how well it will turn out, so bear with me.
Criticism is much appreciated, just put it in a good tone :)
And so we Begin..
-Note, this story flip flops between a journal-like entry and story entry- - Date: 01/14/2009
- Tags: throne demensia intro
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Comments (5 Comments)
- Arden Snow - 03/24/2009
- I'd work a bit on punctuation and your sentence structure. =) Some run-ons and a bit of syntax confusion. In short, I think it's good that you started off with description, but you didn't really go into DEPTH. You jumped from the protagonist describing how cold the night was to being worried about Yira to other details of the surrounding without really DESCRIBING them; so you stated the presence of these things in the setting but did little else.
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- Arden Snow - 03/24/2009
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Also, I think it would have been great if you at least began to explain the protagonist's destination. In short, a bit more focus and specific detail would really help you. =)
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- Nightkat89 - 01/15/2009
- I would prefer if people are going to Rate this, then at least comment on what could be done better. I would love to improve my writing. Thanks!
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- Herio907 - 01/14/2009
- Very interesting. Can't wait to see how it unfolds.
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- Tsiklop - 01/14/2009
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Hm, it seems a bit choppy, but it's still good. foured.
Rate me back?
http://www.gaiaonline.com/arena/writing/fiction/vote/?entry_id=101037913#title
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