• Love at First Sight?
    “Run away with me Sabrina! Let’s run and never look back” his glossy eyes stared into mine, begging. He held out his hand towards me.

    This is where I make my decision. Do I leave everything behind? My friends, my parents, do I leave without saying goodbye? Or do I stay and leave the only guy who has ever understood me, the only guy I have ever loved, behind? The decision didn’t take long to come to. I looked up at him, rain dripping down my face and he could see the answer like it was written in my eyes.

    Before we get ahead of ourselves I should probably tell you how I came to be in this situation. You need to know every detail, every aspect of how this came to be. Well this is the story of how a nobody became a somebody. This is a story of how 1 girl’s heart mind and soul is tested. It all started about a year ago…
    “Do you believe in love at first sight?” my drama teacher asked me.
    “No” I simply replied.
    I could tell a few kids were getting agitated in their seats, probably because I'm the only one of them all who actually said no. The teacher gave me an odd frown slash grin.
    “Why not?” He asked seeming as though he was concentrating.
    “Because I don’t believe you can love someone simply by looking at them,” I began everyone listening closely to what I had to say, “Suppose there’s this girl. She's walking down the street when right in front of her a guy stands. The meet each other’s stare and BAM! They’re in love? He could be a ***** for all she knows!” I was getting way into my conversation.
    The teacher stared at me for a moment then relaxed his arms on the desk in front of me.
    “I don’t understand,” He began with a smirk on his boney face, “so because she looked at him, he’s a *****?” He chuckled. You’d think teachers would be a bit more mature.
    “That’s fine I didn’t expect you to anyway” I mumbled throwing down my pencil and crossing my arms.

    This whole social life thing isn’t for me. Ever since 2nd grade people just can’t seem to get enough of poking fun at me. I’m not sure why, though, I’ve never done anything to anyone but I hear in most cases that’s how it is. People have nothing better to do than sit around and make stupid and absurd jokes about harmless people who have never done anything to anyone. It’s pointless really but hey you can always sit on the sidelines and watch the people who think they are being funny, make themselves look like good for nothing lowlifes.

    For some reason teachers have something against me and attempt to embarrass me every chance they get. I'm not one to care what people think about me so I wasn’t surprised when the teacher decided to ask the rest of the class about my opinion. Of course no one agreed with me. I never knew someone could feel so alone in a room full of people. It seems like no one in this world understands the words that come out of my mouth. I'm 16 people, treat me like it! 1 kid and his girlfriend even re-enacted what I had said. It went something like…
    “Hey baby look into my eyes” He said in the deepest voice he could manage.
    “Oh I will…but wait….your turning into a-a” She squealed in a half whispery tone.
    “Now you’ve done it…I'm a *****!” the whole class burst out into to laughter when he finished his sentence.

    Its not hard to tune out their voices, I'm so used to being not understood and laughed at I almost feel numb from it all. Living in a small town like auburn word gets around so by next period even more people were in on the joke. My best friend Kayla, who unfortunately for me moved away, used to tell me that if I ignore them it would go away. That’s not exactly how it works with these people. They don’t seem to care if I'm paying attention or not, they do it anyway. I never understood the humor that people get out of making fun of people. It really all just seems immature and stupid to me.

    You see we live here in Auburn, Kentucky which only consists of about 1400 people. It’s harder in small towns to make friends than it is in big cities like Orlando. We moved here when I was 7 and ever since things haven’t been as great as you would think. The day I moved here it was like the kids here thought I was an alien from mars come here to suck the lives out of them. I never understood why they did this to me. Maybe it’s because they live on farms and where I came from we lived in huge small acre houses. I have no real friends here. The only time anyone ever talks to me is if they need help with homework or they’re laughing at me. Since there is nothing else to do here I am constantly keeping myself occupied with school work. I’ve never missed a day of school and I’ve never failed a class. No one ever teases me of my grades though only about how stupid they think I am.

    I sit by myself at lunch mainly because no one wants to sit by me but also because I don’t want to give people another reason to make fun of me, like the way I eat or something stupid like that. After the last bell rang I drove home in the only thing close to me, my blue mustang. Home life is not so much better than school life is. Sure we have plenty of money but there’s only one way to get it, to work. It’s not that I care that my dad works everywhere from Japan to brazil but when people work a lot they get cranky and since mom finds it necessary to go with him, when they come home it’s not so pleasant. I rarely see either of them. They think or rather mom thinks I'm a devil worshipping disobedient child sent from hell to ruin her and dads life. After being alone for so long you learn to fend for yourself. I cook my own dinner, do my own dishes, and clean my own room when it needs tidying up.

    I threw my keys in the basket and walked into the kitchen to find some water. I noticed a note mom had left on the counter it read:
    Sabrina,
    Gone to meet your father at the airport be back later. Do your chores and be in bed by the time we return, your fathers been very busy so I'm making dinner for the three of us to have as a family. He will be leaving first thing in the morning and my plans are to depart with him.
    See you at six love, Mom. Xoxo

    By chores she means clean my room. Everything in our house is spotless. Mom has this disease, if you will, that prevents her from having any sort of mess anywhere. The TV is fingerprint less, the couches neatly in line, even the wash cloth in the sink is perfectly laid out. I slowly and neatly set the note in the trash can, oh yea that too, and headed to my room. Our house was amazingly large for such a small place. It stood out greatly considering the farm to the left of our house and the trailer on the right. My room is the only room downstairs. I told mom that if she wanted me to go to church with her every Sunday she would let me have the room downstairs. That and I told her she would rather me escape in case of a fire than burn alive upstairs. She's pretty easily persuaded; well she used to be anyway. Now she's grumpier and meaner than ever. My guess is she's going through menopause or something like that.

    Other than a shirt or two on the ground my room seemed pretty tidy but I guess even that is too much for mom. I picked up the shirts and through them in the hamper. I searched desperately through my cd collection for my old Kid Rock cd. Mom never wants me listening to anything other than country. I popped in the cd and sat down on my bed pulling my homework from my bag and digging in. After I did my homework and checked it multiple times, I got my journal out.

    I have this fascination with writing. It’s where I go to escape. It’s like I go into my own little world where nothing else exists but me and my characters. It’s almost as if the world around me freezes and I am free to do with it what I want.
    “SABRINA!” mom tried to shout over the power of my music.
    I looked up snapping out of the concentration I was in. I must’ve lost track of the time which I tend to do when creating my imaginary worlds.
    “What have I told you about listening to this? It’s the devils music I tell ya!” she told me frustrated at the fact that she didn’t know how to work the stereo.

    I got up off my bed and hit the power button. She looked at me as though at any minute she would pounce like a wild tiger. She scrunched her face tightly. She does that when she thinks I'm trying to act older than I am which is entirely untrue but I don’t try to argue with her. Did I mention mom is a religious freak? Anything that I do is related to Satan or that’s what she thinks anyway.

    “Your father’s home, and dinners done time for you to join us” she told me giving me a wave to follow her. She hardly acts like a mom. She seems to be more of a caregiver or maid or something along the lines of that. She never hugs me and never kisses me goodnight. She never calls when she's gone so basically I'm a 16 year old with no social life who lives on her own and has no family.

    I followed her into the dining room. The foods aroma filled the house so the second I stepped foot out of my room I could smell the mashed potatoes and gravy. I took a deep breath inhaling the delicate scent then took a seat next to dad. I hate our ‘family dinners’ as mom calls them. She says they help us stay together as a family but really she just wants to tell me how horrible of a daughter I am and that she wishes she would have had a son maybe than she would be respected. I never did understand how her mind worked. I just can’t bring myself to believe that I have half these woman’s chromosomes.
    “Hey dad” I said quietly in a bored tone. I get along better with him than I do with my mom.
    “Sabrina will you say grace?” mom asked staring deeply and harshly into my eyes.
    I put my hands together and bowed my head readying myself for prayer.
    “Thank you for this food, thank you for this house, thank you for a wonderful family. Amen.”I ended. I didn’t seem very excited about it and dad seemed to catch on.
    “How was school today” He asked me picking up his fork and playing with his mashed potatoes.
    “Same as usual, I got laughed at, sat alone at lunch then came home.” I explained drearily
    “Maybe if you weren’t so weird and ungrateful people wouldn’t be so quick to judge” mom replied mocking my tone.
    I looked up to find her staring down at me as if saying that I have no power to defend myself and I shouldn’t even bother trying. I didn’t have to anyway I knew my old man would come in handy one day.
    “Barbara,” he began hushing mom, “Just ignore them honey, they’ll stop when they see it doesn’t bother you” he told me. Man, If I had a dime for every time I heard that one.
    “Maybe if she wasn’t so weird” mom pushed on still.
    “Maybe if I worshipped the devil they’d all burn in hell!”I screamed fed up with having no control over how she was talking to me.

    I threw my fork down and stormed off to my room. How dare she think she has the right to talk to ME like that! Just because she gave birth to me and carried me around in her for nine months doesn’t give her the right to use such verbal abuse against me. You would think an adult like she would show at least a little respect to someone who never complains about her never being around.

    I slammed the door in my room and grabbed my iPod. I turned on my stereo to full blast. I wanted to annoy the hell out of her. I want her to know how it feels to listen to something that you think is ignorant. I locked myself in my closet and fell to my knees catching myself before hitting the ground. I blasted my iPod as I leaned back against the wall, thinking, and holding back my tears of anger. Why me? I just don’t understand why this life has been place upon me. I have to be the one to become something strong. It’s my responsibility to prove to these people that I don’t care and with or without their help I am going to make it.

    I must’ve dozed off somewhere between listening to escape the fate and my chemical romance because I found myself awaking to a dead iPod and a dim morning. I rubbed my eyes; they burned from the tears I fell asleep on. My body ached mostly because I was in a tight closet. I stretched my arms and slowly rose. School was basically a repeat of the first. This time it began in my home Ec.
    “Sabrina, should you always follow the directions on the box”? Ms. Hamilton asked with a grin on her face. I'm not sure why but this woman is always smiling. I don’t know if she just loves the world or she thinks that she is by far better than everyone else at cooking and she’s ecstatic about teaching the less educated.
    “No,” I replied cautiously. I try to stay away from any humorous behavior but always seem to find myself in it.
    “Why?” She asked her grin subsiding like I had said something wrong.
    “Because” I began quickly thinking of a less humorous answer than what I had in mind, “Following the directions doesn’t always lead to the best recipe,” The teacher was now listening with great concentration, “ If you improvise you may come up with something better than the original” I explained.
    Ms. Hamilton looked at me for half a second then let her grin return to her face. I knew this wouldn’t turn out good.
    “So what your saying is instead of frosting on a cake, improvise and use butter?” she asked with a smirk on her face.
    “Not exactly” I mumbled. I knew exactly where this was heading.
    “That’s the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever heard” she laughed everyone joining in after her.
    I ignored them once again and continued with the assignment. I don’t know where adults get off thinking they can make people feel so low. In reality it makes them look bad, at least to me anyway. I guess if everyone acts the same then no one really sees just how stupid they really are.
    I sat in the same corner of the cafeteria that I always eat at. Some girls with perfect teeth and tons of make-up on approached me.
    “Can I help you?” I asked sarcastically rude.
    “We were just coming over to say hi” their ‘leader’ smiled patting my back while the others stood around giggling.
    I had fallen for the oldest trick in the book and walked around merely half the day with a sign on my back that read:

    Point and laugh but don’t tell!

    That was their last attempt of humiliating me, at least for the day. Tomorrows Friday so I won’t have to put up with this much longer. The weekend breaks helps tremendously as far as my mental state of mind goes. On the weekends I spend my time at a creek that I found 2 years ago. It’s peaceful and somewhere I can go alone and leak my mind of all my troubles. It’s a nice get away from this dreary life every once in awhile.

    I found myself a million miles away on the drive home. I just glared at the road. I could probably drive with my eyes closed because I know the street so well. I was there physically but not mentally. It was a rainy day. I know it’s a bit ironic but flowers seem to scream their true colors on gray days almost as if in the sun they are fakers, they never really express how deeply wonderful they are until a day grayer than they comes along. I could hear dogs howling in the distance. It’s not surprising. Most adults up here are farmers so seeing great big dogs wondering the streets isn’t very uncommon. A few dead cats could be found lying off the road. I never was a cat person I always preferred dogs, that is until I moved here. Now they’re everywhere but I guess it’s not so bad I guess though having a bit of company every once in a blue moon. I pulled into the driveway still distant from my mind. Before I even approached the door I noticed a pink sticky note.


    Sabrina,
    I know this is sudden but I won’t be returning for 2 weeks. It’s only a week longer than I had anticipated. No friends over and please try to stay out of trouble. There’s money on the table for food, you can have any left over’s.
    Love Mom, xoxo.

    It wasn’t surprising finding out she would be gone longer than she had thought. I'm not sure why she even leaves me these notes, this isn’t a rare occasion. Heck, usually she's gone longer. Mom has been leaving me like this since my 12th birthday. It never had occurred to me that she would be one of the types to leave me alone. I mean I knew she was obsessive, controlling, and all caught up in religion but leaving your kid alone at 12 for weeks at a time, now that’s ridiculous. It’s even low for her but even I can manage to get over it. I walked into the dining room searching for the money she had left me. 300 dollars for food; I don’t understand why she leaves me all this money when the cabinets are stacked high with food. But I guess a little extra cash never hurt anybody.

    I quickly hopped in the shower. A hot soothing shower can take all the pain away. It numbs me even more to the point of complete soberness. When I was done I dressed in my panic at the disco tee and some casual jeans. No sooner than I was done blow drying my hair the phone began to ring. Nothing fancy, just the usual ring. I finished drying my hair and ran to the phone.
    “Hello?” I answered still catching my breath.
    “Hey Sabrina!” Her voice was so relaxing.
    “Kayla! I haven’t heard from you in a while. What have you been up to?” I asked taking a seat on the couch.
    “Well I have a surprise for you” she began. I pulled my legs on the couch until I was sitting cross legged.
    “Really, for me?” I said in a dramatic tone. She and I are always making jokes about how actresses are too dramatic for the scene they are playing in so every time she tells me something good, I reply dramatically.
    “Walk outside; it should be on the porch by now.” She told me giggling.
    I don’t remember seeing a package when I walked in but I wasn’t completely in my mind so I must’ve missed it.
    “Ok…” I replied a bit nervous at what it could be. I got up phone still to my ear and opened the door.
    “Surprise!” Her voice echoed.
    “What are you doing here?” I asked throwing my arms around her.
    “Mom said I could take Friday off and stay here for the weekend” She explained returning the embrace.
    “Well come in, I’ll order some pizza and we can hang out.” I told her leading her into the living room.

    I was overly thrilled at the idea of spending a whole weekend with someone that I have longed to talk to for ages. She hasn’t changed at all. She still has her solid black hair and her hazel sky eyes. She's still just as tall as me and scrunches her nose when she smiles. Oh how I have craved this moment for so long.
    “I can see nothing here has changed” Kayla said rolling her eyes and observing the neatness of the house.
    “Not one bit” I laughed with her.
    “So how is school going for ya?” She asked me curiously.
    “Like I said nothing’s changed, not one bit” My face suddenly serious. I had to catch myself quick. I didn’t want to ruin such a wonderful moment.
    “Enough about me though, what about you, have you met anyone SPECIAL?” I asked exaggerating the word special. She caught my meaning and started to blush. She's always been good with the guys. If she were a chimpanzee I think she would be the one to attract the apes. I would be the one sitting by itself peeling bananas for a living.
    “Well there is someone…” She trailed of f into her own thoughts.
    It’s never been hard for her to get a boyfriend. It seems like they just fall from the sky. It’s different for me of course. The closest I have ever came to having a boyfriend was in 1st grade when I gave Jimmy Wells my crayons, which by the way he chewed on and attempted to give back.
    “Aw I'm so happy for you Kay” I said in a girly voice.
    She has this, almost sixth sense where she can tell if I'm unhappy. I guess it’s because we have known each other for so long we’re practically sisters. We have a connection which I have never shared with anyone but her. If she's hurt, I hurt, if she's sad, I'm sad too, and if something’s wrong with her my heart aches and cries until I come to the rescue and comfort her as best I can.
    “Don’t worry, Sabrina, one day, someday, that guy will be there for you. You might not expect it to be him but it will be and he will cross your path when you least expect it.” She always has such intelligent answers it’s hard not to feel like a lesser person around her.
    “Yea, I guess. You want to watch The Pink Panther?” We have this obsession with the pink panther cartoons. That’s how we met. I was in the video store looking for something intriguing to watch when I found it. The Pink Panther collection was sitting all lonesome on an almost empty shelf, gathering dust and saying “Pick me, pick me!” I went to pick it up and at the same second I touched my hand to its plastic cover, so did she. Then we started rambling on and on about how we could watch it for hours on in.
    “Chayea” she answered. We are always coming up with new words. This must be one of the most recent to be added to our dictionary.
    I popped in the movie. Mostly we talked and eventually forgot all about watching the movie. We ate our pizza and laughed our guts out.
    “Why is it, do you think, that people think I'm so…weird?” I asked Kayla.
    She looked at me as if studying my movement. Then a smile so big I thought it would touch ear to ear appeared on her face.
    “Maybe it’s because you’re so much cooler than them. I have heard of denial and honey I think this whole town is in a big soup bowl of it!” She started laughing hysterically joined in with my squeaky laugh.
    “You know it!” I replied barley breathing, I was laughing so hard. I don’t understand why but sometimes we get in moods where we laugh at just about anything that happens. It doesn’t even have to be remotely hilarious. You just have to say something and we began our frenzy.

    We were so full of pizza and coke that we dozed off on the couch. I decided it would be best to take Friday off of school. It’s not like it’s that big of a deal, sure I won’t have perfect attendance again but I know no one will miss me and I don’t mind having a three day weekend with someone I see only in the summer when I visit with her.
    “mom left me this cash for food but we have plenty of it so I was wondering if you wanted to go into the city and like catch a movie or something” I said sitting up and looking down at her droopy eyes.
    “You read my mind but do you mind if I take a shower first?” she asked sniffing her hair.
    “Be my guest” I said in a high pitched voice. I was taking a breath and it made my voice box all jacked up.

    She got up and walked to my parent’s room. I guess she's using the shower in their bathroom, which is strictly off limits, so that I can take one in mine. After I was sure I heard the water running I grabbed my clothes and hopped in my shower. Its really great having her here for the entire weekend. Now I have someone to share my stained thoughts with. The good thing about Kayla is that she actually listens when I'm talking to her. She doesn’t stare off into space and occasionally nod her head. She focuses on every word that I say and replies in the best possible way.
    “Take my car?” I asked her. Her beat up grand am didn’t look like it could manage itself all the way into the city.
    “Yea I'm not sure my baby is gonna make it too much longer, besides your car is so much better than mine.” She replied joyfully.

    It takes about an hour to get to the mall so we had lots of time to jam to the hottest bands. Kayla noticed a sign for the City fair and begged me, practically on her hands and knees, if we could go. Kayla, well she's kind of an adrenaline junky. She absolutely loves thrill rides. I mean don’t get me wrong I love them too but I can’t ride them simultaneously like her. I gave in and we went. Admission was 25 dollars a person. Food wasn’t priced too high and I didn’t want to eat anyway. Knowing Kayla she would just pull me onto another ride as soon as I finished and lord knows how that would turn out.

    After the fair we caught a movie. Of course it was an action packed movie with Brad Pitt. Kayla is absolutely obsessed with him. Any movie he’s ever played in, she has so when she saw that he was in one of the movies playing at the theatre she knew that was the one we had to see and we did.

    “Did you like it? I personally thought it was AWESOME! It’s not his best work but it was fair enough to get my vote.” She told me.

    She always has the most interesting ways of wording her sentences. Sometimes I don’t understand the words that come out of her mouth but who am I to judge.
    “I thought it was ok, I mean I thought the ending was pretty corny but other than that it wasn’t too bad” I replied taking the last sip of my drink. We always wait for everyone else to leave before we do. Sometimes they put extras after the credits so it’s not like we’re missing out on anything.
    “So how has school in Tennessee been?” I asked solemnly. I was just a little sad that she would be leaving in two days.
    “Its alright I guess but it’s not the same without my boo there!” She laughed making kissy faces at me.
    Her and I joke like that all the time especially when we’re in public. Sometimes people get weirded out but we don’t care we just like to have a good time.
    “Aww I miss you too hunny bunny” We laughed.

    Kayla fell asleep in the car on the way back to my house. I wanted to show her the creek but I suppose tomorrow is just as good. The nights are so black here, no stars, and a fourth of the moon. It’s amazing no one gets lost. How would you find your way back if you were lost in the woods somewhere, you would have no northern star to guide you? It’s amazing really, how all these things came to be. Some places are greener then others and some places higher. I guess it depends how you look at it though. It’s like the saying it’s always greener on the other side. But what if you are on that side? Then what is the other side.

    My thoughts swamped my mind as I continued my way home. Kayla had begun snoring half way there so I had to turn on the music breaking any concentration I had had. I pulled into the driveway and helped her out of the car. I was practically holding her. The really hard part was opening the door and keeping her on her feet at the same time but I somehow managed to accomplish both. I laid her in my bed and hopped in the shower. I threw on my night clothes and lay down next to her. I never had a problem sleeping in the same bed as my best friend but my mom did. She thought I would become some sort of lesbian or something. I never understood how that could be.

    She didn’t wake up until about 1 or 2 in the afternoon the next day. I mostly sat around watching TV and finding anything I possibly could to keep myself occupied. Eventually she decided to join me.
    “So what’s on the agenda for today?” She asked yawning. I noticed she had changed into some of my clothes. We practically wear the same size clothes. I'm like 5 or 10 pounds little than her so it’s not like she has to squeeze into them. I think she weighs me 130.
    “Well I thought I would take you…I have something to show you” I decided it would be best just to show her rather than tell her..
    “Okay, when do you want to leave?” she asked starching her arms.
    “Whenever you want” I told her smiling.
    “Well let’s get going” she hopped up.
    When we arrived at the woods, where the creek laid beyond, her eyes seemed bewildered.
    “Where are we?” She asked me defiantly confused.
    “Just trust me” I said getting out of the car. She repeated the action and followed me through the woods.
    The sun was shining perfectly high that day so when we arrived at the wondrous land it sparkled with dignity and beauty.
    “Wow,” she began searching for something the least bit dream like, “this is beautiful” She whispered taking a seat next to the water.
    “I come here to think. No one else knows it is here and I want to share it with you. If I ever run away it will be to this place so you will know where to find me if no one else can” I told her.

    We sat in silence for quite a while running our hands through the water and listening. It was as if it was talking to us, wanting us to feel the treasures it holds.

    You know that feeling you get when you think someone is watching you, well that feeling over cam my body and quickly turned around and faced the woods behind me.
    “What is it?” Kayla asked, startled by my swift movement.
    “I-I thought I…Never mind” I couldn’t be sure the feeling I had was real. It was probably all in my head and I was being paranoid. I tuned back around and ran my fingers through the water one last time.
    We lost track of time and had been there till the sun was setting.
    “We have to get going or we will never find our way out of here” I explained.

    She took one last look at the dream land and followed me through the woods to the car. Sunday rolled around faster than I thought possible.

    “I wish I didn’t have to leave so soon!” Kayla whined hugging me one last time.
    “Me too but I’ll see you again soon, right?” I asked desperately.
    “Of course you will. I better get going. Try to stay out of trouble” she said laughing hysterically.

    It seemed like as fast had she had come she was gone. There's no doubt that it was great having her here but now that she was here it’s going to be even harder making it on my own. I still had a hundred dollars left from the weekend.

    It was overly lonely being there after she was gone. I lay in my bed staring and the ceiling, falling into madness. I don’t know how much more of this loneliness thing I can bare. Won’t someone come and rescue me? Where's my prince charming?

    These thought conquered my mind as I fell into a deep almost coma like slumber. I woke up early the next morning. I ate some cheerio’s for breakfast wile I gathered my text books and put my long, wavy brown hair into a pony tail. I managed to make it to school 3 minutes early, just enough time to make it to my locker. Drama of course is my first class. Any of feeling of serenity I once had quickly faded when I faced the devilish students in my class. We were discussing the reasoning of Romeo and Juliet’s death. I should have expected Mr. Peel to call upon me.

    “Tell me Sabrina,” He began pausing and pursing his lips, “Do you think that Romeo’s death was a good way to go?” He asked me.

    “I don’t think that the reason he had died was a way I would go. I mean they were only teenagers, how could they have known the difference between life and death. He didn’t even attempt to make it through his years without her. I mean I know they were in love but can anyone really be so in love they would die for each other?” It really hadn’t come out the way I expected it to and I didn’t exactly know what love was only because I had been neglected from the right of receiving and giving it.
    “So what you’re telling me is teenagers cant fall in love?” Mr. Peel asked me looking up and crossing his arms.
    “Not exactly” I mumbled slouching down and doodling on my paper.
    “Can anyone help us to understand what Ms. Bay is trying to say?” He asked looking at the rest of the students. Of course he would ask everyone else.
    “No one understands what she is saying!” One kid laughed
    “Not even she understands, ha-ha” Lewis, the school jock laughed.
    “I understand” a boy in the back replied. The whole class went silent.

    I turned around slowly to face this boy. I had never seen him before. He must be new. Could this day finally have arrived? Does someone actually understand me? He looked at me for half a second then faced the teacher to give his answer. My hope of finding someone in this cruel world could only stay for so long. What if this is some practical joke. He's probably already been poisoned by these wretched others.

    “She’s saying that they didn’t know the difference between loving someone and dying for someone” he said the words that I would have said like he was reading my mind.

    Everyone sat in silence until Lewis opened his mouth

    “Nice one Parker!” He shouted nudging him in the back playfully.

    That got the class going. I rolled my eyes and turned back around fiddling with my hands. Could I really expect anything different from him? 2nd and 3rd period seemed to fly by. Lunch was usual. I sat down at the same table as always. I went to take a bite of my apple but before I could someone set their tray down in front of me. I looked up to find the same guy from drama standing there. Cant they just leave me alone, is once not enough for these heartless people?

    “Mind if I sit here?” He asked politely. His eyes glistened in the light a glowing green. The shirt he was wearing showed his well built body. He’s got a few noticeable freckles and is well over 5 foot 7 which is more than I can say for myself. His hair was a deep chocolate color.

    “What do you want?” I asked rudely. I just want to be left alone. Its bad enough I have to deal with everyone else but now we have to add another. I could feel everyone’s eyes burning into my back.

    “To eat lunch” he replied sitting down. What does he want from me?!

    “Cant you guys get a life?!” I yelled wanting everyone to hear me. I had never once lost control like that and don’t know what brought it upon this time. It’s like I had this feeling of pure anger and betrayal at the same time. I stood to my fell and left the lunch room. I figured if I wasn’t wanted here at this school then there was no point in me staying so I took the rest of the day off.

    They’re not very strict in small towns so I had no trouble convincing the woman at the front desk that I was contagiously ill. Instead of going home I went to the only place I could be safe in my own thought, the creek. I spent hours there just thinking about life and all that comes with it. I don’t think I got the best end of the deal with it but as far everyone else thinks who am I to complain?

    After I left the creek and went to pull into my driveway I noticed an unfamiliar faces standing in the doorway. I pulled in and got out of the car.

    “Are you Sabrina?” He asked me.

    “Yes, can I help you?” this boy didn’t look like he was from around here and he had a Tennessee accent.

    “I'm Dustin, Kayla’s boyfriend” he explained stiffening at Kayla’s name.

    “Oh,” I began. So this is the beloved Dustin. I can see why she likes him so much but what is he doing here at my house?

    “What are you doing here?” I asked politely.

    “Well,” his voice became shaky and his eyes watered, “There’s been an accident” he told me looking at me to see if I was catching on.

    “Is Kayla ok? What happened?” I was asking frantically. She better be ok. I want to talk to her. I want to hear her voice and tell her that right now she is number one in my heart. I want her to know that I am here for her no matter what.

    His face turned pale and he looked down at his feet. I knew what this meant.

    “She was in a car accident. They said there wasn’t much they could have done” his voice dried out, trailing off with the wind.

    I couldn’t feel my body. My mind was blank. My feet gave in and I went down hard. Dustin picked me back up and carried me in the house lying me down on my couch. He sat across the room in the recliner watching me to make sure I was ok. I was curled up against the couch. I didn’t want to live. How can I live without the only person that I love? We were sisters at heart and now, now I will never see her again, I will never hear the softness of her voice, I will never touch the smoothness of her skin and I can never explain to her how much I love her! I should just end it now! I should make all this pain go away. There is no use in living if I don’t have someone to share it with.

    “I loved her you know. I was going to ask her to marry me after high school.” Dustin spoke raspy.
    I listened to him talk but I didn’t turn around to face him.

    “You know, she said that if it wasn’t for you she doesn’t know how she would have made it. She loved you, like a sister she would tell me. She said that I would never know the true meaning of strength until I met you. She said that only you could handle such pain and emotion that I wouldn’t understand life until I spoke with you” He trailed off yet again.

    I loved her too. My eyes filled with water as he spoke her words. It does sound like something she would say. She made everything so detailed when she talked that sometimes I had trouble following. I sat up and kept my eyes straight. I had my arms wrapped around my legs.

    “She spoke of you too,” I began voice cracking from the dryness of my throat; “She used to blush every time we spoke of you. She said that she wanted to be with you until she…died.” I gulped at the last word.

    I could feel him staring at me as if he was searching for something. Like he wanted to know why I was interesting to her.

    He smiled when he heard her reaction to his name.

    “So are you going to be ok?” he asked me

    “More or less, you can go” I told him. I assumed he was anxious to leave.

    “Are you sure?” He asked again just to be sure I wouldn’t pass out I suppose.

    I nodded my head. He got up and left.


    Now that he’s gone I can accomplish what should have been done so long ago. I want to be with her! I need to be there. There's no way I can go at this alone. I fasted walked to the kitchen and pulled out the sharpest knife I could find. I’ve heard about kids on TV who can’t take anymore of the pain so they just end yet there’s so much more to their lives. You can’t just end it then you’ll never know what could have been. I lowered the knife, my thoughts getting the better of me.

    I heard the front door open. Dustin walked into the kitchen to a most disturbing sight.

    “I forgot my keys” he raised his eyebrow and looked from my face to my hand quickly realizing what was going on. I never intended to harm myself. I never could even if I tried, I couldn’t bring myself to do it but when you walk in on someone like that I guess you can only assume the worst.

    Tears were streaming down my face dangling from my chin.

    “Sabrina,” he began but I dropped the knife before he could finish. I could hardly breathe, I was crying so hard. I fell to the ground, purposely this time. I wanted to curl up in a ball and die. I want to go to sleep and never wake up. This dream must end before I do!

    Dustin walked over to me and helped me to my feet.

    “It’s not worth it” he said shaking his head. How can he be so calm in a situation like this? It is worth it I just can’t do it is all. If I could I would but I can’t.
    We sat on the couch in silence just thinking of her. Thinking of the way she moved and laughed and the way she spoke with her pale soft lips. She was never mean to anyone and always had something to say. She almost always were brightly colored clothes and colored her hair monthly. I will miss her.
    “Did you ever notice how when she laughed, she would scrunch her nose?” he asked rhetorically. I knew this but didn’t want to interrupt is thinking out loud.
    “She would always deny it though I thought it to be cute” he said staring off into space like he was having some sort of flash back.
    This got me thinking of the first time we declared we were sisters separated at birth.
    “To my sister who I shall always love” Kayla said tying the homemade bracelet around my wrist.
    “To you, my sister and my best friend” I replied tying my bracelet I made for her around her wrist.
    “I promise to always be by your side no matter what” I told her.
    “And I Kayla promise to never leave you, no matter what.” She smiled in return.
    “If I die, I will ask to be your angel” I told her wrapping my arms around her scrawny body.
    “If I die I will ask to be your guardian” She returned the hug.

    The flash backs hit life stone walls. I could feel my eyes watering again.

    “Stay away from her you meanies!” Kayla screamed.

    “Thanks” I replied. I had never met this girl before.

    “I'm Kayla, who are you?” she held her hand out.

    “I'm Sabrina” I said shaking her hand. She smiled wide warming my heart    .

    The tears were cascading down my face like waterfalls. I remember that day like it was yesterday. We were in second grade and she stood up for me. It was how we first met each other. That relationship lasted until her death and now, well now she is my guardian.
    “She told me that if she ever died, she would make sure that she was my guardian” I thought out loud sorting through my thoughts.
    I lied down on the couch and closed my eyes imagining her presence. I could smell her skin and see her outline. I soon fell asleep to this dream.
    When I woke up, to my amazement Dustin had fallen asleep on the recliner. I got up and brushed my teeth lazily. I didn’t feel like moving and I definitely wasn’t going to school knowing that I will never see my sister ever again. When I walked into the living room Dustin was awake.
    “Hey” I spoke tooth brush in mouth. I leaned against the wall and stared at him.
    “Hey” he said rubbing his eyes.
    “So you want to go to the city with me?” I asked. I knew that we both needed to get away and I know how much this was affecting him as well as it was me.
    He thought about it for a minute and then smiled.
    “Sure, I’d love to” he replied.

    Don’t get me wrong now all I want to do is get away I'm not looking for having a relationship with my best friend’s boyfriend. I finished brushing my teeth then grabbed the keys to my car.

    “So you live in Tennessee?” I asked trying to make small talk. I knew the longer I went without talking the more I would think and thinking is the last thing I want to do right now.

    “Sort of,” he began, “I go to school there. I don’t really have a home. Both my parents are dead and I'm not going to a foster home. I live by myself mostly.” He told me. He didn’t seem shy about telling me this.

    “Oh, I see.” I couldn’t think of a response to that.

    “It’s cool I mean they died almost 2 years ago today and I’ve been able to manage so far on my own.” He explained.

    “You know if you two got married we would practically be siblings” I told him.

    It was a bit hard thinking about her and I can’t imagine what it’s like for him. Maybe I shouldn’t have said that. OH NO! What if I make him cry? What can I say to make him feel better?

    “Yea, your right, you would be like a little sister for me to boss around!” he laughed. I guess I didn’t say anything wrong.

    “I’ve never had a brother or sister “I told him.

    “Well now you do. I declare you my little sister” he said chuckling silently.

    “Yes well that doesn’t mean you can boss me around” I pouted humorously.

    “I’ll tell mom if you don’t do what I say!” he joked.

    It was a great conversation while it lasted but of course happiness isn’t forever. We soon got silent and all the thoughts returned.

    “If I get married I want you to me my maid of honor” Kayla told me.

    “You know what that means don’t you?” My eyes lit up as I looked at her happy face.

    “What?” She asked.

    “He would be my brother!” I shouted.

    The thought of her and Dustin never being able to say their vows to each other made my heart ache. I feel this connection with him, same as I had with her. I knew that she was my long lost sister and now I’ve found my long lost brother. At least that’s how I feel. Kayla would have wanted us to be close. We’re family now at least internally we are.

    We watched a movie though we never really paid any attention to it. I can’t even remember what it was about.

    “I'm thinking about switching schools” Dustin said on the way back home.

    “Where to?” I asked him curiously.

    “Ivy Rose High.” He told me.

    “You want to go to my school? That’s stupid why would you want to do that?” I asked him.

    “Well I have no more family in Tennessee and you’re here. The only family I have left is here, so I figured why not change schools. Besides from what Kayla has told me you need someone here with you and who better for the job then your long lost brother” he repeated the words that had been pinned in my mind for so long.

    “You really think of me as a sister?” I asked making sure this was real.

    “Yes I do” He said, “you can tell me anything and I will keep it hidden from the rest of the world” he smiled.

    “Then you should know that no one at my school likes me. I'm an outcast and you probably will be too if your seen talking to me” I explained to him. He gave me a puzzled look.

    “Then we will be outcasts together” he told me.

    I pulled into the drive way and got out of the car.

    “You can stay again if you want. My mom and dad aren’t going to be here for a couple weeks so you can stay awhile if you want.” I offered.

    “I have to run back home and pick up a few things but I’ll be back tomorrow” he told me getting his keys out of his pocket.

    “Ok I think I will try to get through school tomorrow” I told him.

    “Good the best way to cope is to continue on and keep moving forward” He told me. Now I understand why she talked the way she did. She got it from Dustin.