• I look out the car window, watching life itself pass by and disappears like smoke.
    Back at home mama will be sitting in her favorite chair drinking her wine and cursing at the TV.

    She wont remember me.

    She doesn’t notice I’m gone.

    When I was young mama used to sit my on someone’s porch and promise she would come back for me in a little while. I believed her.

    I would sit.

    Sit.

    Sit.

    Then when the sun would vanish and the moon casted it’s light, I would shiver.

    Waiting.

    Waiting.

    Waiting.

    Soon I would become impatient. Wonder if she would ever come. When I couldn’t wait anymore, I would walk home. Crawl through the doggy door that my daddy never got to sealing shut and curl up in bed to cry.

    Mama would say the same thing when she would see I made it home.

    “Oh baby, I was gonna come back. Honest.”

    Then she’d kiss my cheek with her lipstick stained lips. The wine lingering on her breathe. I knew mama had a problem. Everyone knew.

    The kids at school would always call her names.

    “She’s a drunk!”

    “Crack-head!”

    “Whore!”

    I would just sit there, keeping it all under a sealed lid. But when school would let out, My teacher would keep me after and let my cry on her shoulder.

    I will always remember her.

    Those long wavy curls that always smelled sweet as flowers. That smile tinted with soft pink lipstick. Those kind eye’s. Green like the earth. She was beautiful. She was always there for me.

    But when I had to go home I would have to listen to mama and daddy argue over everything. I would sit in my room reading my favorite book. The Giving Tree. Even though I’d read it many times before.

    Then when the screaming stopped, daddy would come in my room and hug me tight.

    “I’m sorry you had to hear that.”

    “When I get everything situated. We will run.”

    “We will runaway and start over.”

    “Promise.”

    Then one day mama and daddy began to fight. Daddy had yelled some things he had never said before.
    It was too late for him to take it back. Mama screamed for him to go. This had never happened before.

    All too quickly, daddy packed his things and left.

    With out a goodbye.

    With out a hug.

    And with out me.

    After that day, I stopped believing in promises.

    Mama would drink her heartache away, try to lift the pain. But it only made things worse.

    I began to go to school with bruises and scars.

    My teacher asked me what had happened each time.

    And every time I said the same thing.

    “ I fell.”

    Then kids would ask me. Make fun of the ugly scabs that would form. Tell me I was hideous.

    I’d stop going to my teacher to cry.

    I guess I was protecting my mama. I’m still not sure.

    After a few months of beatings and lying and being made fun of, there was a knock on the door.

    Mama peeked out the peep hole and turned to me with wide eyes.

    She stashed her liquor and tried to fluff the heavyly worn pillows.

    She opened the door and greeted a man with a high voice.

    “Hello. Who must you be?” She gave a smile that flashed her golden tooth.

    “Hi, my name is Rodger Lansbee from Child Protective Services. I was called here from a complaint of...”

    He pulled out a notepad.

    “Child abuse and child endangerment.”
    He slipped the notebook back into his coat pocket.

    I could see mama tense up and hesitate while letting him in.

    I peeked out from the corner. he saw me and gave a small nod.

    “Can you join us Elizabeth?” He said in a soft voice. Reassuring it was okay while he was here.

    I sat across from mama and Rodger. He talked about each subject and asked me and mama questions.

    Every time he directed a question to me, mama would flash a weird face. Maybe anger or sadness.

    When he was done asking questions he looked around the house.

    Mama followed with her eye’s glued on him and her grip tight on my shoulders.

    Then all too quickly he left. He said a “Goodbye”, handed me his card when mama wasn’t looking, then left.

    Mama wasn’t letting up after that. She would beat the answer out of me.

    But just like her. I didn’t know who brung in CPS.

    At school My teacher would give me worried looks and shake her head.

    I didn’t understand.

    When I had gotten home from school it was awfully quiet around the house.

    No TV blaring.

    No random strangers in the front yard.

    And mama was no where to be found.

    I went inside and set down my book bag.

    “Mama?”

    “She isn’t here.”

    Rodger appeared from the hall way.

    “Do you know why I am here Elizabeth?”

    I shook my head.

    “I am here to take you to a new home. Away from your abusive mother.”

    My eye’s widened then filled with tears.

    Never would I dream this day would ever come.

    Although I was getting sick of the hurt she caused me.
    I felt like I shouldn’t leave yet.

    I thought....maybe I can make mama better.

    Cure her pain.

    But like a flash...

    Here I am....

    Looking out the car window, watching life itself pass by and disappears like smoke.
    Back at home mama will be sitting in her favorite chair drinking her wine and cursing at the TV.

    She wont remember me.

    She doesn’t notice I’m gone.