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It just seemed like I was bored and boring others around me. I hated it, they hated it, and we all equally wanted it to end. ‘Make her monotony stop… Give her something new.’ Well, there never was anything new. I would try new activities that varied from miniature golf to karaoke, writing haikus to riding mopeds. Nothing kept me from the impending boredom I would face each and everyday after the so-called ‘exciting’ tasks had been tried and tested. There seemed to be nothing out there for me. Nothing to keep me occupied, no place that I could settle into and curl up and enjoy and thrive. I had no niche in the huge world that seemed to be striving to throw me off of its round, diseased, trouble-ridden surface.
Nothing. Nothing at all made any difference to my day-to-day activities. Nothing as huge as starting a new and better job would matter. Nothing as vague as using a new shampoo would matter. Nothing made a difference at all in my seemingly insignificant, and ever-growing pointless, life. Nothing affected my typical, humdrum routine for the better.
But I never said no person affected it for the better.
It was the only day that made my heart pound, my ears ring, and my cheeks rise with a real smile. It was the first time my life didn’t seem ordinary, nonchalant, and plain. I felt worthwhile and extraordinary, like a real individual who was going to make a difference. I was shining with pure knowledge of self, never once realizing that, just the previous day, I considered myself as boring as the gray font in a book on quantum physics… or something along those horrendous lines.
No, that day, I was somebody great. Somebody I was proud of. That day, I wanted to gossip about myself and tell the entire world how truly un-boring and spectacular I really was.
My euphoria came crashing down the moment he had to leave. My boredom was once again passed back to me like a platter of thanksgiving turkey. He left, and my excitement with him.
The gossip soon ended, and I was gray font again.
But I vowed, to that one little spark of excitement left in me, that I wouldn’t let my soul fall apart and decompose back into the horrid little pieces of plainness I once had succumbed to. I was off to find him. There would be no exceptions, no ‘buts’ to my offer. He would agree. He would have to. I didn’t want to be lost to the boredom again. I wouldn’t allow it.
Adorned in my Mary Jane’s, I stepped out the front door, unsure of my path, my destination, or my future in general.
But, with a slight upward curve to my lips, I thought to myself, “Uncertainty certainly isn’t boring.”
- by Eponine Oki |
- Fiction
- | Submitted on 11/25/2008 |
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- Title: Uncertainty
- Artist: Eponine Oki
- Description: Mere musings from a determined young lady.
- Date: 11/25/2008
- Tags: uncertainty
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