• Chapter 1- Formally


    Today hadn’t been any different than any others. Why does life continue to matter to me? I wondered. I truly did. Ah, yes. Revenge. That was it. Or part of it at least. Maybe it was my pride too. I thought that had vanished but it was back. That drive that didn’t let me curl up and wither away that one day. Yea…that was it. My pride had always been there, sometimes being a good thing, other times bad. Being wolves we all had pride, even though some of us decided to beat it down so they forgot it existed. Pathetic in my eyes. I could understand that in some cases. When someone you loved was about to die and somehow tossing away your pride would help. Something like that…Not your own life though. Die with pride, knowing you actually had some type of confidence in yourself.

    Not getting rid of your pride for self-pity. I didn’t pity myself. I didn’t feel sorry for me, but for my family. What they must’ve gone through, fighting side by side while watching their comrades fall, some dieing in the arms of others perhaps. I doubted it, unless the hideous Blanks had left them to die of blood loss. They wouldn’t shift back to their human forms during a fight. I also felt merciless pity for the Blanks because of what I plotted in my mind, how I planned to rip each one’s throat out then watch as they died slowly, gasping for breath. That would satisfy my taste for revenge and quench that thirst. Something like that. I had their scents completely memorized, unable to forget if I tried. Maybe after I’d ripped the life from them I could finally die. My pride and thirst for revenge finally met.

    ...A year and a half later…


    I paced through the brush of the trees lightly, not making a single sound with the exception of the ‘whoosh’ I made in the air. I was coming to the part of the world where the forests lessened and the cities took over. That meant resulting to my human form to ‘blend in’. So troubling. I hadn’t even thought about reverting to my human form in over a year. More then a year. Seemed like a long time I’d been on my own. I’d been fourteen when the…accident had occurred. I was now fifteen and a half. I shook my head, trying to erase my current thoughts. I’d been trying to forget about the incident, to never think of it again. Like throwing it away would ease the pain of loss. But it was more like recycling the thoughts and memories with them coming back and my mind reusing them to make me an emotional wreck.

    Sighing, I cursed myself mentally and slowed my pace to an eased trot. The smells of the city were starting to get heavier since I was getting closer. Part of it stunk and burned my sensitive nose but I knew that was normal. Cities were as unnatural to me as my human form was. I’d never been in one when I was younger, only in small towns. Then I’d only been in one for a minute or two over the past year and a half, always sticking to the back ways or paths, staying hidden in the woods. Scared the hell outta me the first time. With those car things and all…I had almost been hit like, three times. Then honked at which made me jump from the loud, annoying sound. I figured I’d just look at the city like a bunch of towns all in one…with tall buildings…and cars….more people….Ok, I wasn’t helping to calm myself anymore….

    About an hour or two later I came up to the tree line that merged into a path that led to the city’s park. I hesitated though. Come on! Stop being a scaredy cat! I growled in my head. All I had to do was give myself a confidence boost then remember how to go into human mode. Ugh. Well, my confidence was rising on its own a little while I thought of how small this city actually was. I’d analyzed it before finding the best way to enter, sizing up the area and guessing how many people…and cars, there would be. The best way was obviously the park. It gave me some leverage on the nervousness I seemed to have with cities. Also, there were no human scents near, so I was safe for transformation time. Now for human mode.

    If I could remember clearly you were supposed to picture your human form and just focus on that, tuning everything else out and letting your body take over. But I also remembered the bone crushing pain that came when you first learned- literally. Usually we learned how to shift around the age of nine. The shifting was sort of like with werewolves- only we’re not werewolves. When we first learned our bones had to crack and snap into their new positions and other wolf like qualities had to form, making it quite painful. The more we got used to shifting the more natural and easy it became. Eventually our bodies seemed to melt or flash into form, taking only a second or two. I was a little behind on the shifting pattern. I’d learned on time and knew what my human self looked like; I just hadn’t been in it in so long…Which led me to believe it would hurt. A lot.

    I swallowed and prepared myself best I could. Closing my eyes I focused, trying to see myself as a human. Mid-back length dark, dark brown hair, almost black, just as dark eyes, and light sun-bathed skin. Features fair, as beautiful as any other of our kind. Suddenly, I felt a ripping in my muscles and my body shuddered automatically. Yup, that pain from hell was comin’. My eyes were now shut tightly instead of closed lightly as more ripples pulsated through me. Then, my flesh ripped, instantly regenerating to its new position and shape. Felt like someone skinning you alive then putting it all back after catching it on fire. I held back whimpers self consciously, my pride rising to the surface again.

    As my body took from canine shape to human shape my bones started adjusting themselves, cracking and snapping and twisting, into the correct alignment. I flinched, almost down on the ground now. A growl of pain tore through my mouth, lifting my head some to the tops of the trees that did well in shielding the sky as the last bits of transformation took place. Then, it all stopped. The bones shifting, the tearing of flesh, the pain. I realized then I was kneeling down on one knee, my other leg keeping me balanced, my upper half bent over slightly. I composed myself some, moving to sit in a crouch. I held my hands out infront of me, turning them so I could see the backs then the palms again, marveling at them. This form seemed so alien-like to me now. I mean, after having paws for over a year hands and fingers were just plain odd. Enough of this. I thought and stood up, getting used to two legs instead of four. At first my balance was off, especially without a tail.

    Unfortunately, clothes didn’t come with the human package. Fortunately, I had that part covered already. I had gotten- or rather stolen- a pair of clothes from the last town I was in that I thought would fit me. I hoped they fit anyways. Man, being a human was such a pain. Clothes? Geez, if you had fur you didn’t have to worry about that kind of stuff. After a minute or two of being confused as hell I finally managed to get a bra on. I tossed the shirt on then the jeans without much more difficulty thanks to memory. Tennis shoes were the last thing put on and that wasn’t all too hard either again thanks to memory. Even though we hardly went into our human forms, living in the forest and all, we were still taught how to dress in our human forms. Even though the damned bra got me every time…

    I checked my neck for the one thing that still connected me to my family; a black stringed necklace with a small dark Red Crescent moon charm hanging from it. It was a gift from my mother that was given to me at my birth. If I ever lost that thing I’d backtrack as far as I could to find it again. Assured it was hanging from my neck I looked to the path, hesitating again. Nervously, I glanced down at myself to make sure I’d gotten everything right. No backwards shirt…no left shoe on right foot…I looked set. Where had that building confidence gone….? I frowned deeply and started my march down the path; going passed the last line of trees and instantly feeling vulnerable. I was no longer hidden in the shadows of the trees and branches which made me tense and more alert then I thought I would’ve been. I still tried to be casual, probably making myself look awkward. So far no people in sight. I took in a small breath then let it out slowly. Geez, I was getting more worked up then I figured I would be.

    Finally, I broke out to the park, people coming into view then. But not as many as I thought, surprisingly. A few children running around, playing with dog toys I’d recognized as Frisbees, and then kites. Parents watched from afar and picnics were common. I took a second to stand there and watch. The weather was nice and warm but winter was coming soon enough. I had to get ready for that. After those few minutes of watching various families, a scent appeared, one all too familiar. Rain. And by how close we were to the wintery season, it was going to be chilly, if not cold rain. I tilted my head to look up at the sky, seeing the first dark cloud gliding across the sky slowly. Poor people. Their perfect day out would be ruined. A few minutes later the first blast of thunder sounded and a lightening bolt was slightly visible. The rain fell soon after that and the families started to clear out, hurrying their already soaking children to the housed part of the city. I stood completely still, not having moved yet. I looked up again, the sky darkened now, lighting being the only good source of light in the park for humans. Our eyes were a bit better then that. Amazing how weather can turn so quickly like that.

    I froze suddenly. Another scent had drifted towards me, a very familiar one but one I hadn’t smelled in the longest time. The smell brought back heart-wrenching pain. I snapped my head to my right, instantly turning my body and going in a half defensive position. A four legged form was limping towards me and the scent of blood filled my nose. The creature got closer and my eyes widened. He came to a stop infront of me, looking up at me with deep blue eyes.

    “Please…help me…” he muttered then collapsed, obviously out cold. Right infront of me. I stared down at him in my stupor, still shocked to what was infront of me. Another Shadow. I hadn’t seen one since my family. Our race had become so scarce…But now I had a dieing one infront of me? This was definitely not on the agenda for today and now I was completely caught off guard. I shook my head fiercely and looked down at his black furred body once more then let out a soft sigh. So much for formal introductions…