Chain Fairies Chronicles

• Artist: -_- hi -_- yo -_- cool xD
• Description: 2 boys named Hector and Logan Pince.On an adventure to find a secret of their ancestors.
  
  
• Date: 07/16/2008
• Tags:

Chapter One

One Morning,Two boys name Hector and Logan Pince rushed out side to play basketball.As Hector threw the ball he missed and it went straight to the woods.In the woods they saw this magical book.There was maps.Keys and every thing.They didnt know what to do with the book so they kept it under thier shelf."BREAKFAST!! scream "Mom shouted.They rushed inside.After
breakfast Hector head up stairs he took out the book."Hmm..."Hector mummbled to himself.As he searched through the pages the book started to shake."L..LL....LOGAN crying scream "Hector sreamed in an unpleseant way.Logan Rushed up stairs."What Happend?"Logan said."The book started to rumble!"Hector cried.Logan Opened the book and then a magical fairy popped out!."AHHH"shouted Logan.

Chapter Two

"Hi! My name is Chackintee throughout your adventure you will find various of animals unseen from humans.Here this will be very helpful to see the animals.Chakintee said "What is this?"Logan said. "Its an Opolio Leaf it looks like a rock but its a leaf,I forgot to mention u can see the undead with that too!.Logan and Hector runs out side and grabs a stick for a use of a weapon.Hector use the Opolio Leaf and puts it on his eye.Oh NO! A skeleton Hector quickly bang the skeleton with his dad's baseball bat.

Comments

[Reaper_the_undead]

this story reminds of the spider wick chronicals

[Mullet_Man77zz77]

It needs a ton of revision. For instance, in "Chapter 1", your sequence of events is off: "Hector and Logan Pince rushed out side to play basketball.As Hector threw the ball he missed and it went straight to the woods.In the woods they saw this magical book."You don't explain what happened inbetween the point where the ball went, and when the two kids found the book.

[CalvinRexx]

Your story is a bit choppy and you don't explain things very well. You went between two different tenses without even caring. Chose either past tense or present tense when you write this because it make things sound better. Also, use punctuation. It helps people know where a sentence breaks or ends and lets you know when someone starts or finishes speaking.

[kayla_loves_her_hayden]

great start but the end should be awsome right??

[Chancellor Mirror]

I'm sorry, but I don't feel entertained by this story. It needs a lot of editing and doesn't seem real enouogh to be included as a story that if we lived in a world like that, that it could actually happen. But you have the basics, so I give you a 2.