• I will tell you all my secrets, but I lie about my past.
    My past...
    I don't have one.
    That's true; straight truth.
    See, I was just recently birthed - I'm being absolutely honest, I swear it.
    I wouldn't try and decieve the guy holding me by my foot and umbilical cord; that'd just be biting the hand that feeds you - or holds you, I suppose. Hm, get it?
    Oh, I see you're a little busy - no, it's alright. No, no, deal with all the placenta and afterbirth that I'm presently covered in.
    It's fine, we'll chat later.
    No big deal really, you've got your hands full.
    What? I'm a boy? Well, obviously.
    In fact, I'm a little hurt that you needed to clarify that. Am I really so androgynous?
    Cut me some slack, I'm 3 minutes old.
    Jeez, man, you need to relax.
    Oh, you're going?
    No, it's not a problem - you've got other things to do, you've got a lot on your plate.
    Oh, who's this lady? Hello there, miss.
    Nice to meet you? Christ! You look like hell. You musta' been through something awful.
    Why are you crying? Is it because I said that - I'm sorry, oh dear, stop crying.
    You look fine, really you do. Really!
    Calm down, please, you're making a big scene.
    A huge one, actually! Someone's taking pictures & everything!
    Someone is filming too!
    I'm not even dressed yet, this is humiliating.
    Christ, I wasn't born yesterday.