• CHAPTER 49 - DWELLING

    You know it's not healthy for you, you know it's not. But you can't help it. You can't help but linger in the past.

    .:{{Dream in Arisa's Perspective}}:.

    I was running again. Why am I always running from something? In real life and in my dreams? I could never figure it out. But this time, I was sure I was running towards something rather than away. I was searching again. Searching for the very thing I shouldn't be. For the thing I should leave behind as a memory.

    "Kai!" I called out, surprised I actually had a voice.

    I didn't hear a response, so I kept running even faster. I was in a huge building, a mansion. It was beautiful, chandeliers in every hallway and white carpeted floors. The house was dark, none of the lights were on and the windows were all boarded up. Despite its somber atmosphere, it was still beautiful. In a way, it reminded me of Matsuda and Orihime's mansion. Wait, it was their mansion. I was just running up and down it without knowing. I continued to run and I finally took a rest in the upstairs hallway. I allowed my feet to take control and they lead me to the bedroom that Kai and I used to share. I felt the tears and sorrow choke me as I turned the knob and hesitantly made my way into it.

    "Kai?" I breathed, peering around my room and waiting for my eyes to adjust to the new darkness.

    There was still no response, but I could feel something eerie in the room. Something about it didn't seem right at all. The atmosphere felt different from the last time I had been there. Nobody was home, so that's probably why it seemed so wrong. But if nobody was home, then where were they?

    A sharp and horrendous pain surged through my whole body as I felt this empty feeling overtake my stomach. I looked down only to see the scariest of all horrors; my abdomen had a gaping hole through it. I was too scared to call out, too scared to cry or anything. I looked over my shoulder and behind me, the same direction of where the blow to my abdomen came from. A silhouette stood behind me, several feet behind me. I didn't recognize the shape, though. It was the silhouette of some other person. The silhouette stepped into the moonlight to reveal a Vampire...but not the Vampire I had been hoping for.

    The Vampire smirked and flicked some of my blood off of his hand. So it was his hand that went right through me. He was drenched in my blood and his eyes were glowing a crimson color. It was sinister, scary, traumatic. Before I could find the strength to run, my body gave out on me and I collapsed onto my back on the floor. The Vampire kneeled down and gripped my jaw and examined me. My breaths were short and shortening even more and I could feel myself being soaked in my own bath of blood from head to toe. My abdomen was aching, the pain was eating away at me. In a flash, the Vampire bit deeply into my throat right where my airway was and I could feel even more blood drench me from the front. I still didn't have the voice to scream or cry. I wanted to call out Kai's name badly, but it was futile now. This stray Vampire was going to eat me alive.

    "I'll have to thank your boyfriend for luring you here," the Vampire smirked again after swallowing a huge swill of my blood.

    Kai? He lured me here? But what would this Vamprie be doing at Matsuda and Orihime's house? Where was everybody else when I needed them?! I peeked behind the Vampire to lock eyes with no other than Kai. He looked horrible, pained, guilty. His eyes were glowing red from either thirst or self-loathing. He looked as though her wanted to reach out to me, but was uncapable; something was holding him back.

    My wounds were eating away at me. I started coughing up blood and the Vampire would only lick it off of my cheeks as it trailed away from my mouth. I squeezed my eyes shut, hoping like no other that I was only dreaming. A chilly gust washed over me and it was dead silent. I didn't want to open my eyes, I didn't want to look into the sinister eyes of the Vampire and into the pained eyes of Kai. My abdomen was still in horrendous pain and I continued to lose more blood and air from the wound in my throat. I hesitantly cracked my eyes open and the light of sunset filled a new room. It took me a second to realize that I was back in the old bedroom in the orphanage. A frozen hand brushed over my cheek and I was looking up at Kai again, only his eyes were a mix between gunmetal and gold.

    I tried to say his name, but nothing came out except for a hollow gasp from the pain. I felt the sheets of my bed soak in my blood and my clothes had already been dyed crimson.     Kai, why aren't you helping me? I'm dying!! I thought aloud, hoping he would hear me.

    "Now you understand," Kai whispered, "why we can't be together. This is what is going to happen; what happened with that Vampire. I can't stand by and watch you die like that."

    No, no, don't do this. I want to spend every last dying minute with you in real life. Not in a dream. Dreams aren't supposed to be alternatives for real life.

    "I'm still infallibly in love with you," Kai whispered again, mimicking the words from the message I had left him on Matsuda's phone, "And it's because I love you that I'm doing this."

    Kai, no!! My vision was darkening and my chest was becoming heavier as Kai compressed his lips against mine one last time. There was one thing that disturbed me about this kiss; I couldn't feel it. I couldn't feel his lips against mine. All I saw was his face inches from mine but I couldn't feel anything except for the pain from my abdomen and my throat and the cool of his hands against my cheeks. I didn't want him to leave, I wanted him to stay by my side and take me back. I didn't care if I would die like that. As long as I spent my last moments with him.

    Please...come back...

    I woke up in a sweat and an ear-splitting shriek. My hands instantly covered my face, thinking Kai's cold hands were still attatched to it. After failing to accomplish that, I moved my arms and hands to my abdomen to be sure it was still in tact. It took me a moment to realized I was placed in Akatsuki's guest bedroom. It took me another moment to realized why I winced in pain after a while. My sprained ankle was finally catching up to me. I had sprained it a few days ago while running away from that Vampire and I hurt it again while running away from school.

    "Arisa?!" Akatsuki rushed into the bedroom with his gun in hand, probably thinking I was attacked by a stray Vampire again. I was. In my dream.

    I grasped my throat and acted as though I were still suffocating for a second and I tried to catch my breath. Akatsuki continued to stand at the doorway, tense and alert. I finally calmed down, I think, and I leaned back on the wall...since the bed had no headboard. I curled up, wrapping my arms around my knees and burying my face in my arms. My shoulders were shuddering because I started crying, but you couldn't hear me cry unti I took a deep breath. Akatsuki calmed down a little bit and sat on the bed at my feet.

    "Arisa?" he whispered, reaching out and touching my arm, "Arisa, what happened?"

    My outcome in life, that's what happened. I just witnessed what Kai was going to have to bring me to. I understood everything now...but it didn't change how I felt. It seemed that no matter what side of Kai I ever witnessed, my feelings never changed for him. I was still completely in love with him. But I knew that now was the time to let go, to try and forget him. It wasn't humanly possible, not with somebody like Kai. Although, since he's a Vampire and he has a few hundred more years left, he'd be able to forget about me easily. But in my situation, he ripped a hole in my heart that couldn't be stitched back together by mere counseling.

    "Arisa, tell me what's wrong," Akatsuki demanded.

    "It's nothing," I shook my head, "Just a bad dream. I'm fine."

    "You're not fine," he sighed, "Arisa, you can tell me."

    I pondered and pondered and finally looked up when I heard Akatsuki moved to sit beside me. He wrapped one friendly arm around my shoulders and leaned me against his side, but not too close for comfort. He was so comforting, somebody I could talk to. A human who could understand what I'm feeling too. If he was my sister's lover, then I knew I could trust him. And I knew that, even though it never would happen, that Akatsuki and I would never take our relationship past friendship. He made a vow to never love again, and now that was my new vow. My human life was cut short anyways, so why waste it trying to find a second person to love?

    "Was it about Kai?" Akatsuki whispered, musing.

    I paused, absorbing the fact that he actually said Kai's name rather than "Vampire" or "Uketomeru". On a normal day, I would have been overjoyed to hear that. But now, it only ripped open the hole in my heart even more. I absorbed my pain in silence as I prepared to tell Akatsuki about my horrendous dream that almost seemed too real...too closely related to the future.

    ~*~*~*~*~*~

    It took me about thirty minutes to tell Akatsuki about my nightmare because I had to tell it between sobs. In a way, it was both a nightmare and a dream. A nightmare because, well, I was penetrated by a Vampire in a few spots without clemency and the one who brought me to that focefully was Kai. And because when Kai kissed me, I couldn't feel it. It was a dream, though, just because Kai was in it. And that I was in Matsuda and Orihime's house again, despite how eerie it was. I left out the part where Kai was watching the Vampire eat me, suck me dry.

    Akatsuki was speechless, not knowing what to say. He didn't know how to react except to sigh and rub the bridge of his nose. My eyelids were trying to close on me, but I didn't want to be surrounded by darkness again. I didn't want to see that Vampire and Kai's pained face again. Akatsuki finally removed himself from the bed and helped me lie down, even though I didn't want to. I was too tired to fight back, too worn out. I was thankful it was the beginning of the weekend, thankful for a few days' rest.

    "You'll be alright, Arisa," Akatsuki whispered, pulling the covers up to my shoulders.

    The last time I was sleeping in this bed, Kai was holding me. My face burning hot when he held me against his icy torso. As I continued to muse, Akatsuki stealthily exited the room and closed the door on his way out. I was lying by myself in silence, deafening silence. It pierced through my ears and the only thing I could think of to break the silence was to start breathing deeply and heavily.

    It was time, I knew it was time, to move on. But like I had said before, I'm not doing it. I will dwell on Kai and I won't forget him. Someday, either he will come back for me or I will chase him down. I don't care if I do it by myself or if somebody helps. I will hold onto what's right, and what's right is Kai...my fiancée. I hope he's thinking of me...I really do.

    Either way, I will see him again...despite that contract.